all that we had

chapter ten

Hey guys! It's Jenna. After the longest break from Wattpad ever (seriously I'm so sorry. I went through the roughest time ever. Unreal). But now I'm back? Should I try and catch up? I can't promise I'll be consist but I can promise I'll try. Here goes I guess.
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-Spencer-
I walk back to my room, shaking with every step. My world can't even stand to be around me. I finally slip inside silently, and begin to cry. Soon heavy sobs heave my lungs and fill my chest. I'm trembling. Beating the walls mercilessly until my hands bleed and ache. Nothingness is all that I feel now. I feel no pain, no sadness, no bitterness. Numb, numb, numb, numb, numb. A dry sounding whine is pulled from my quivering lips.

"You're okay. Okay okay okay okay." Whispers into the dark. Slick, hot tears still burn my cheeks and neck. My chest tightens and I loose it.

Something that could numb the pain.
Make it okay...

Stop. You can't risk it. You're hurting yourself and the team. What about Bethany? If not do it for yourself... There's no promise this time you won't get hooked.

Still. Desperate and hurting, I make my choice. Searching the contents of my suitcase, I find it exactly where I left it. A short and stout vial awaits with its counterpart the needle, like a sucker punch in the last zipper pocket. I'm disappointed for even allowing myself to possibly return to it.

I fumble with the needle, holding it just above the fold between my upper forearm and lower uppe arm. Weak, I whisper before letting it all go. Everything melts away, my shoulders slumping and my aching hands go weak, in a way. Letting go.

It's a fond memory. Beth and I had a small dance party in our pajamas at 3 am. The moment is simple and nothing profound but it is something special. The way her blonde locks bounce when she slides, her petite frame and amazing laugh. She slips due to the odd mixture of fuzzy socks and vinyl. I help her up and hold a thin strand of her hair between my middle fingers and thumb and gently roll it.

"You're so beautiful." I whisper. It's far too late to do far too weird of things with far too great of people. I let the strand fall back with the rest and pull her closer. Pulling her tight against my body, I wrap my arms tightly against her. I would do anything for her. She giggles sweetly, a cherry blush sweeping her pale cheeks. Bethany gently pulls apart and she looks up to place her head on my forehead. "I love you so much. I- I'm not sure what I would do without my left hand man and love at my side; always."

"Always." I echo.

I want to freeze the moment, and live in it forever.

((Lol okay quick authors note. Sorry for the filler chapters I'm working on setting up for the good stuff, but for now enjoy this painful chapter you amazing dorks :)