all that we had

chapter six

*Spencer*

I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that this was all a crazy nightmare and that I'd wake up soon. When I opened them again nothing had changed. A thin ray of light peeked through the pulled curtains disrupting the sheer blackness that encased my room. I hiss in pain and turn the other way.

Thoughts moved through my head rapidly, moving from one thing to the next before I could grab one. A storm of thought finally exploded. I groaned.

The room almost began to swirl, swaying in circles and making me dizzy. There was off colors, then nothing but gray figures- leaving behind their monotone smudges. Children's laughter and whispers and screams were emitted from the walls, and fine grained rocks are glide across my skin. The smell of fire entered the mix. The taste of blood fills my mouth. Men and women stare at me... All of which are horrifying. A man with half a face, a baby with a gaping mouth, a woman with a stitched smile, a child with no  arms, a teenage boy with razor sharp teeth and black eyes. People I knew- childhood friends, my team all loomed over me tall and disapproving, and the worst of it all came. Bethany looked at me, face switching between no emotion to oozing with it. Anger, fear, love, and confusion all flashed as she quadrupled. Synchronized clicks. Small red dots in a sea of gray. I swore and writhed in terror.

And it lasted this way, for a long time. It was like someone flipped a switch, it just stopped.

"F*ck Spencer!" I cursed at myself, those being the first in hours. "Pull your sh*t together. Just because your in stress doesn't mean you can let you do this to yourself." I chided, giving myself a lecture even though I knew I couldn't control it. This was by far the worst schizophrenic episode I've had in a long time. It was rare for me to have a full blown one, and my first time having one in which all the senses were involved.

"I give."