all that we had

chapter five

*Bethany*

My conscious screamed repeatedly at me, empty words echoed through my head like a broken record player. I placed my hands to the side of my head near my temples. They mocked me laughing and squealing with glee.

Remember.

Remember.

"Remember!" I screamed to myself, rattling my skull. "Remember." I whispered to myself. Everything was wrong, there was missing bits and pieces, nothing made sense. My head is throbbing, my stomach is twisting and my heart is pounding.

I let loose a heart wrenching sob. I'm falling apart. My hair falls into my face and I wonder what the hell I did to deserve this. I laugh, causing me to ponder my state of mental stability.
"Fate's a b*tch."

"Why am I breaking down? Why? Why why why why?" I whine.
"This isn't the first time. I mean-"

I close my eyes for a second, and see him. He's permanently etched into my brain and I see him every time I close my eyes. I shake momentarily breaking my fetal position I held in the dark corner.

His obsidian eyes- obsidian? No, this isn't right. Is it? I was so angry and confused. Twisted images flash contorted and like a slideshow playing one after the next mixed and out of order. I had no way of organizing and telling apart which was which.

Spencer's laugh swallows my thoughts and for a moment, for a moment I smile. In midst of that, it was there. A kind, genuine laugh that a small part of me told I'd once loved and craved to hear. I shook my head away as the constant replay return of mockery and taunts refilled my brain. I dragged my nails down my face; wet and slick blood slid down my cheeks.

Broken images of Spencer and Daniel pooled in my mind and I clenched my eye shut and hugged my chest.

"I'm a hot mess." I whispered to the dark that surrounded me.