The Circle of Life - Addicted Series - BOOK 4

4. Juliet

When Nick walks out the house to get some fresh air, he sees Sid in a large warm jacket and gloves smoking beside a small outhouse. "Its cold out here. Nothing compared to your east coast winters." he smirks blowing a circle of smoke into the air.

"Thanks for the concern. But, I can take it." Nick walks to him. "What happened to her? I need to know, Sid. It is killing me."

"I don't have any answers for you, Nick. In my opinion, you got exactly what you deserved."

"And what exactly did I 'deserve' - in your opinion?"

"She couldn't take it anymore Nick. She walked out on you!"

"Let me rephrase that. I give a rat's ass for your opinion. Do you know why 'she' decided to leave."

"You know when people around here ask for a favor, they rephrase it way better than that."

"CUT THE BULL SHIT, SID!"

"Well, bull shit is exactly what you deserved." he glared into his eyes and turned to walk away from him.

"Can you at least tell me why she named our son after you?"

Sid turns and walks back to him. "Because of her belief that he would not have survived without me. She had complications during her delivery. We were at a remote station when her water broke. Me and my team mates had to rush her to back to the base in a helicopter. Sid was born with the umbilical cord almost strangling his neck. A few more minutes of delay would have been very dangerous. That is her opinion - not mine. It was her decision to name him after me - not mine." he tells him and storms away inside, banging the door after him.

Nick closes his eyes and crumbles down onto the snow covered ground. He didn't know what was worse - that he wasn't there with her or that that Sid was?

He takes the letter from the jacket deciding it was time.

Nick,

If you are reading this letter, then I am either dead or in coma. Either ways, I need to tell you some things. Mainly about our kids. Lana and Siddharth. They are amazing and beautiful and I need you to take care of them.

I am including the details of my lawyer who will brief you on my bank account, some shares and investments I have put aside for the kids. I understand you may want to move them to New York. The same lawyer will arrange to sell the house. I know money is not an issue for you, but I want them to get this from me, when they come of age.

In my study, under my desk, I have some notes and such about the kids. I have been preparing these every since they were born.They will help you in knowing them better. Included in the same box are their legal and medical documents. I have claimed US citizenship for them, so you can take them with you without any trouble.

Those are the practical things I wanted you to know from me. I understand that there may be other things that you want to know - my leaving, keeping the news of our kids from you, keeping them from you after they were born. But, I don't have an answer for all that. I wish I did. But the fact of the matter is that, I just did what I felt was the right thing to do - for us and for our kids.

Initially, I came on a temporary project, simply needing a break from the chaos, so that I can better understand the constant struggle between my guilt and my love. The more I stayed away from you, the more it all became clear. Nikki, I had made a mistake stepping into your life. I had no business in pressurizing you into breaking up with your wife. I know she left on her own, but I strongly believe things would have been and will be different if I was not/am not in the picture.

I couldn't let my whole life become a mistake. I realized that there is a certain level of selfishness that is required in claiming the man you love, and with you, I didn't feel right in giving that selfishness a voice. Mostly because, deep in my heart, I knew I was claiming what was not mine. But that didn't stop me from burning every time I saw you with her. I don't doubt your loyalty for a second Nick. I would doubt the sun, moon and stars before that. But, what you were offering me was not enough. And I didn't think I could see my kids share their father like I was sharing my love.

Why didn't I tell you all these things in person? I have. A million times; but you always dismissed them. You said what we are doing is right. But then, why didn't it feel right? You said we deserved to be happy. But then, I was scared we were being happy at others expense, and it doesn't help the case at all, when the others are your loved ones.

Every single time you would assure me that we were meant to be and it will all be better with time. I believed every word you said or at least wanted to believe it. You would temporarily sponge away all my insecurities when you are in front of me. And I let you. I knew I would never win that battle when you look at me with so much love and affection. I didn't have the heart or strength to deny you in person. So, I chose to be a coward. I just chose not to say anything.

But, I loved you too much, Nikki. Too much for my own good. So, I took the liberty and decided for 'both of us' to let our love live on, without it being tainted by selfishness. I assumed I had at least that much right on you. And I knew you would be fine, because you had Druv. You would never give up on your life because that would mean giving up on Druv. And as I soon discovered, I would be fine too - I was carrying the proof of our love inside me - two little blessings, whom I can shamelessly be disgustingly selfish about. And I was. Again, I made the decision for us, to let me have them - a reason to keep living, keep smiling, even if that meant denying you of them.

Nikki, the one beautiful year I spend with you was the happiest time of my life. You gave me enough memories to last for a life time -beautiful, sexy, happy memories that I will continue to deeply treasure and cherish every day of my living life. I love you and I will love you till my last breath but I could not stay with you. At the risk of sounding Juliet-ish, our love maybe a tragedy, but it is a tragedy that I completely embrace and love.

Be strong, Nick.

Yours,

Lia

He crumbled the tear strained letter and threw it away with all the force in his arm. He took his wallet out and removed the picture of him and Lia that he looked at so religiously. He hurled that away too. "I hate you, Lia. I hate you so very much right now. Mother fucking Theresa!! You had no such right!! NO FUCKING RIGHT!!"

His body cracked into violent shivers as fits of snow and wind blow over his face as if punishing him. He looks bleakly at the snow laden mountains in the horizon as he erupts into wild sobs of sorrow and grief.

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