The Circle of Life - Addicted Series - BOOK 4

13. The Questionnaire

Not more than a few miles away, were the private offices of Dr. Jenna Garner, about fifty patients were undergoing a series to tests to determine if they could be admitted into a Huntington's clinical trial. Dr. Garner could only take twenty patients on the trial and she was going to choose patients who were well advanced in their disease.

Seated in a locked room with about twenty other patients was Lyana. She was looking at the questionnaire in front of her trying to hold a pencil. She couldn't hold it in the normal way between her thumb and pointing finger. The only way she could even make it even stick in her hand was to wrap all four fingers around the pencil, thumb pointing up, like a tight fist. Even then, she couldn't write anything legible with it.

- - -

"Let me do it for you." One of the nurses, a lady with a kind eyes and shriveled skin, comes and sits in front of me. I don't linger on her too much. I have a major task in front of me: Finishing this stupid questionnaire.

"No thanks." I tell her without looking up. If I focus hard enough, I can do this. These are pretty simple questions.

"This is the first thing you got to learn Hon: let people help you. You are sick. You can ask for help when your are sick. " she takes the pencil from me forcibly. Who does she think she is? I glare at her. 

But, she looked at me indifferently with the first question.

"What is your name?" She asks looking at the paper and then at me expecting an answer.

I fold my hands and look at her silently.

She raises her brows. "At this rate, we are going to be here all day."

"Does it matter? Use my number - 50 - I am the 50th and the last patient enrolled in the trial."

"We will know your name, one way or the other." She tells me matter-of-factually.

"Then why are you asking?" I snap at her.

"You are a really grumpy patient. Fine! When were you diagnosed for the first time?"

I look at her trying to think about that day : the day that they told me the truth that would change the rest of my life. It was a month or so after Nick and I had gotten engaged. Sid had phoned to have me sign some documents. God, Nick was having a nervous breakdown. 

He is such a kid sometimes. I still cannot forget that wonderful year that I had spend with him. The way he would smile at me like I was the most precious thing in his life, the way he would sulk for little things, the way he craved my attention, the way he would just come up to me and demand "love" - which was his code word for a kiss or a tight hug. It was the time of my life. What would I not do to go back to those days. Those carefree days.

He thought he wasn't giving me what I deserved but I had never been happier in my life. I had this 24 x 7 gigantic grin on my face. True, we were still trying to juggle relationships - maintain old ones amicably, forge new exciting ones. He had just finalized his divorce with Jeanie. It was hard to manage little Druv, without letting his tender feelings get hurt.

But, end of the day, none of those things mattered because end of the day, he always came home to me. He called it Lia time. I loved Lia time. Because, he made me feel like his princess.

But, I had no idea he was such a jealous guy!

"Is that Nick blowing up your phone?" Sid laughs sitting in front of me at a coffee shop we had agreed to meet in.

"Yeah. He knows I am with you." I tell him messaging Nick to relax.

"Is he insecure about me? Please tell me he is insecure about me. That would make my day."

"He is very insecure of you." I laugh, shaking my head.

"You look so happy Lyana." 

"I am happy Sid. Too happy. Feel like it is going to stop being this awesome any minute now." I tell him.

And he stops smiling and holds my hand. I look at his hand on mine and his grim face. "What's wrong Sid? Is everything okay?" I ask.

- - -

"I was twenty one." I tell the nurse.

"How did you find out?"

"Well, after my Mom died, I had a difficult time to decide whether or not I want to get tested to see if had the Huntington's gene. I decided not to. Because, what is the point? It is not like I could do anything about it. There was no cure anyways. I did not want to live with the constant sadness that I was going to die soon, or worse, be debilitated soon. I had some simple tests to get checked if I had any symptoms and the doctor I was seeing said I did not. That was all I needed to know.

But, after Nick happened, I had to know for sure. The Seattle medical center still had my samples from my last test. So, I finally called my doctor friend in the hospital and asked her to do the test. I told her I wanted to get it done off the record. It was a simple test. And the answer to the test was also simple.

"Nick?" The nurse asks.

"My Fiance."

"Didn't you get married?"

"Is that in your questionnaire too?" I ask her. This questionnaire is bringing out more things than expected. Blabbering  is probably a side effect of dying. You want people to know your story. You want them to appreciate the life you have lead and the things you have build.

"Personal queries." She laughs.

"Very unnecessary." I chide her.

"Kids?"

"A boy and a girl. They recently turned eight. " I tells her as a big smile splits across my face involuntarily.

"What are their names?" the nurses smiles.

"Siddy, Lana."

"Miss them?"

"Very much."

"Did you get them tested?"

"Yes. They don't have the gene. I got them tested right after they were born."

"They are lucky. Considering that they had a 50-50 chance, at least one of them had to have inherited it." the nurse points out.

"I guess, genetically, they are more like their Dad. Thank god for that." I smile remembering those nine months I was carrying them, dreading every second if they would inherit it. All the doctors told me not to have them. That I was too weak to have them and that even if I did have them, there was a 95% chance at least one of them would have the disease and 50% chance that both of them would have it. I bet on that 5% because I had nothing to lose.

I had already left Nick because I didn't want him entangled in this. I was going to live for another 7 or 8 good years. I had no reason to destroy his whole life. The poor guy had so many set backs already. Ours was only a relationship of a little more than a year. He will move on from me. He will find someone stable like he had wanted. And in my inner heart, I prayed he would get back to Jeanie somehow. That Druv will finally get his happy family, without me in the picture.  And if everything went well, I had thought that I would leave the kids with him when my time came nearer.

"When did you first start seeing your symptoms?"

"Four years ago. I had these convulsions I could not control in the middle of the day."

"What stage are you in now?"

"I think I am border-lining towards the third and the last stage." I tell her without a hint of any emotions. 

"Can you list your symptoms?"

"I am starting to get very forgetful. I cannot write and use my hands for anything efficiently. I walk very haphazardly. I cannot eat any solids. I feel depressed all the time. I have these violent tremors or fits every few hours. I do not remember my own phone number today."

"What made you chose this trial?"

"Honestly, I am here only because my friends forced me. I know how this is going to end and if it were up to me, I would chose a quick end rather than a long, painful agonizing one."

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