The Circle of Life - Addicted Series - BOOK 4

14. Spilled words

I embarrassedly  open my eyes to the bright sun staring at me through the window. I probably had one of those seizures again. I can tell, my body hurts everywhere. I hope I didn't hurt anyone. I never know what happens when I get these fits, I can never remember. But, I usually wake up with bruises - probably from my body knocking out things around me.

"Hi Jenna." I greet the doctor who comes and checks my vitals.

"I think you are in the top five, Aisha. I am going to get you in on this trial." she informs me. I kind of saw that coming. What she means is that I am the top five people who are the closest to dying among the lot. That was the number one criteria for admission in this trial - only terminal patients. 

I smile at her. Sid and Nadia will be happy. They are praying for me to get into this trial. Since I only enrolled last minute, my chances were not too good. There were patients from literally all over the world, who enrolled months ahead of time. Dr. Jenna is one of the top researchers for this condition in the world. 

I look at the same nurse behind her. She was staring at me. This woman is starting to make me feel very uncomfortable. She comes forward after the doctor leaves and runs an IV line through  my vein. 

"You don't deserve to be on this trial?" she tells me.

"Excuse me?" 

"Everyone in that room is fighting to live. Fighting for every breath. You have already given up." she tells me flatly.

"Why do you think that?"

"Where is your family?" she asks.

"What?"

"Where are your kids? Where is this Fiance that you spoke so lovingly about? Why are they not here?"

"Because I do not want them here. I want them to move on with their life."

"Right! They said you were a scientist. Smart and well educated. But, I don't know how can be so stupid. If they do love you, like you claim, they would never move on. They will be in the exact same spot where you left them."

 I am outraged. Frankly, who does she think she is to pass this kind of judgement on me? "They will. They have other people in their life. They will move on."

"Like you did not exist?"

"No. Like my disease did not exist." I look at her bewildered.

"Because you don't see you making through!"

"I am practical!"

"Exactly, my point, you have given up! 49 other people enrolled along with you, have NOT given up. You are denying a spot for a person who is desperate to live. She or he has their loved ones around them, reminding them of all the things that they want to live for! "

"Forgive me for not being a grenade that obliterates everything in its wake! I am much better guiltless. Thank you. You would have done the same thing if you were in my situation." I look away from her. I am done talking with this maniac.

"You are selfish." she tells me. "You think your guilt is bigger than others."

Well, lady, is it not that simple for me! There are things other than my volatile life that Nick had to worry about. I couldn't just put this on him at that point. I just couldn't. I remember that day vividly. 

- - -

I had come home after meeting with Sid. I had not even thought about hiding it from him until then. Mom told me that Nick was in Druv's room playing and I went to him only to find him speaking with Jeanie. That day, I heard things that were not meant for me to hear.