Love Metamorphosis

Chapter 13

                  

Rome was in itself, spectacular. As you walked the streets you breathed in history; that is how densely steeped in the past Rome was. Where Florence could easily be walked, Rome had a metro that was a more practical means of transportation. Candice decided that they were taking a taxi to get to the hotel until they could get their bearings.

Jemma still preferred the safety of her feet to the insanity of the taxi drivers, but she didn't object to Candice's decision. The train ride made her tired and she wanted to try and take a nap before their afternoon plans. They went so far from the station that Candice was starting to ask if she had taken a place outside of Rome.

"We are right outside the Vatican, a few blocks." Jemma replied with a proud smile.

"Do you think I will implode if I go in there?" Candice contemplated.

"Likely the only thing you will suffer is your own guilt," Jemma answered, before sighing, "I just want to be able to go and pray for his soul. I may not be faithful to any religion but he is a Roman Catholic, like his father." She rubbed her forehead in frustration because she had caught herself talking in present tense, when Jeff should be firmly planted in past tense, "Was a Roman Catholic."

The hotel wasn't that much of a luxury, but it was quaint. She could see the walls surrounding Vatican city just over the tops of some of the buildings. She couldn't help but smile at Candice as her friend flirted shamelessly over the counter. She was asking him if there was any dance clubs in Rome, Jemma turned her head and looked out the window. The world seemed so surreal that even now she wasn't sure if she was sleeping and soon she would wake to find Jeff holding her. It would have all been a terrible nightmare, and they would laugh about it over breakfast, calling it pre-wedding gitters.

Her jaw muscles were tight and she had to make herself look at her hands to keep from crying. She hated falling back into these delusions, every emotion screamed for her to pretend he wasn't gone. In contrast her brain fought to remain in control, and instill the reality of her situation. She really wished her brain wasn't so determined and she could be lost in her memories filled with joy.

Sniffling she wiped a tear away and stood up, determined not to fall back into her melancholy state and walked straight out the front door. She didn't even pause when she heard Candice yelling her name, she needed a minute to clear her head. She needed to be alone and give herself a moment to face the truth. No more emotions, no more battling with herself, and definitely no more relying on Candice.

She walked the streets, blind as she moved toward her own emotional recovery, taking each step with care. She relived every instant with him and tucked it away deep within her, storing it safely away. She would live on, and he would live within her. She would go back to work, find a new family that needed her help, and she would continue to function as she always had.

She paused to look up at a great building, it rose above her in all its great presence and she stood in awe of it. She needed to turn back and tell Candice she was alright, she knew her friend would coming looking for her shortly if she didn't return.

A breeze pressed in around her, it pushed her hair back from her face and it was as though he was there with her and she heard herself speaking before she realized she was going to, "I cannot be where you are so I will live on here and dream of you."

The breeze quieted down and after a pause, Jemma turned back the way she had come.