The Doctor

Chapter 38

I looked outside the window, grey clouds had overshadowed the sky and it was starting to rain heavily. Most students had already gone home from university and it was only a few hours I would leave the dorm for three months. The time of year I looked forward to have become my biggest fear. This day had been the most challenging day of my life, and I had done everything I could to distract my mind on trying to do something else, like cleaning my side of the dorm. But all I could think about was him. All I felt was loneliness and a strong feeling of emptiness which I had never felt before. My aching heart was crying for missing him too much, but I had to realize that he wasn't there anymore, not for me. My eyes shifted to the vase of red roses from yesterday, thinking about if things would be different. If I could turn back time what would it be like? Tears started running silently down my cheeks when I held the golden heart shaped necklace around my neck. The moment you realized that love was just a memory.

I looked at the poster of Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy kissing each other, what a foolish illusion of true love which would never happen to a hopeless romantic like me. Hastily, I took the nearest thick red pen from the desk and frustrated draw a big x, and then ripped the poster apart. "What are you doing?" Kate screamed and snatched the pen out of my hand. "It's easy for you to say. You got Elliot and what about me? I got nothing" I sobbed and walked over my bed and sank heavily down with my hands in front of my eyes. An arm entwined around me. "I know how you are feeling Ana, and the worst thing is that it's my fault!" Kate said. I looked at her tired and swollen eyes.

"I was the one who was so happy for you to find your first love and it was me who ruined everything. If we had gone to another bar things would be different. You have no idea how much guilt I feel", she said and shed a tear. "Kate, it wasn't your fault", I said silently. "Do you know what? When I think about it, it's Christian who needs to work with himself. He doesn't even trust his own girlfriend and he runs away without listening to you, which is strange. You are not the typical girl, who sleeps with every man in town, so why would he think you cheated on him?" Kate said and thought about it. "It's difficult to explain Kate, but it's a reason for his trust issues. He doesn't want to talk when he's hurt. All he wants to do is to be alone". Kate stood up and paced in front of me. "You are the only one who understands him the most, Ana, there is still hope", she said

"I don't think so, Kate. He wouldn't forgive me for all this", I said. A smile started to shape on her face. "What is it Kate? It's not funny!" I said and threw a pillow at her and she caught it. "I think I know what's going on with you two. Christian has to work with himself so he can be with you. Ana, you need to be more optimistic and not give up so easily so you can be with him. You two keep running away from each other, even though you want to be together. It's something which is keeping you apart, and the only way to solve it is to sit down and talk. That's when you become the closest you have ever been", Kate said. "You could explain it better than me in words" I said and smiled at her. It was always great to have a friend like Kate to talk to. She was one of my friends who understood me the most. Kate looked around the dorm which had become tidy compared to a couple of hours ago. "The hard work really paid off. We managed to pack all the things to bring home as well. It's really impressive", she said and I nodded as a response. "Another year is already over, everything went so fast, think about it in a few minutes you and I will be apart for a month". Kate sat down beside me and studied me carefully. "I don't want to go travelling and be away from you when you need me the most" I leaned my head on her shoulder "Kate, don't do this because of me. You have been looking forward to this the whole year. You and Elliot should go and have fun", I said silently. "But what will you do?" Kate said and her face expression turned into a worried one. I breathed heavily. "I guess I have to figure things out, too much have happened and I just need time for myself", I said silently "But I want to help, I want to be there for you Ana", she said and wrapped her arm around me. "Kate, this is something I have to figure out on my own". My eyes travelled to the sound of a knocking door. Kate stood up abruptly and opened it, who turned out to be Elliot. Kate tightened around him and pulled him closer to her. Elliot gave her a big kiss and she looked deeply into his eyes. Her mouth turned into a smile. Oh, how much I wished my life was like a dance on roses. Instead I had to read about it and dream about it.