Her

Dark skies

I'm falling, no literally slipping out of Mikey's arms. I cried more looking at the rain, clouds roaring with lightening in the sky. Getting damper and cold. I had to let go. 

" We don't have to go inside Ashton" 

" Good because I was sitting down" 

" Dude the grounds we-" Too late. I didn't care what Michael had to say about the ground. These grounds use to be full of life and now I just feel like they walk all over me. One day I am going to walk so far down to hell it wont even matter. No one would care if I left, I mean for the fact I am the drummer of 5 Seconds of Summer, maybe they'd care a little but they didn't when they talked shit about her. Honestly I didn't really care anymore. Michael knelled down in front of me. 

" Look Ashton I'm not sure how long it will take to make things better but at least let me get a umbrella for you?"

" I wont melt Michael" 

" Yeah but then your clothes will be wet and I'm pretty sure in the cold you can get hypothermia and then you'll be sick" He gave my the ' if you don't say yes to the umbrella I'll shove it down your throat while you look at the rain' attitude. 

" Fuck fine Michael" 

" Okay I'll be a minute" 

A minute, whatever, I watched the tour bus door close and heard the interview lady bombard him with questions on how I was doing, If I was okay, if she was okay. I heard him say she was still in the ICU. I fucking don't care anymore, I'm done. I put my hood on and sat alone thinking about why I was gone too long.. Fucking stupid tour and now I'm home and I have the next tour in a year and I don't wanna go. I just don't. She's alone in this big scary room. Hooked up to things I don't even know where to begin to explain. My own mind was racing. I put my hands in my pocket, not even thinking my finger was playing with something sharp. I pulled away and opened my hand, watching the fresh cut on my finger bleed out onto the blade. I stared at it for a while. Analyzing it. Playing with it. It was kinda rusty but clean except for that fresh of blood it had gotten a taste of. It looked thirsty though, for something more than just a small cut. Something bigger. But I couldn't, I stopped for my fans and her. The rain was coming down harder and I was speed walking to the door when I heard

" We haven't touched on this much but" 

" BUT WHAT" I heard Luke scream. 

" Well Luke, Michael and Calum you must know how she tried to take her life?"

" WE ARE DONE HERE" Michael and Calum screamed. My mouth dropped and my eyes started to water again. I pinched myself and it hurt, but I needed to know if what I heard was real this time. It defiantly was and I looked down again. My hand must have close the blade too hard, my hand throbbing...  I opened my fist-ed hand too see blood seeping out...

" OUT NOW" I froze. Run you idiot run god dammit. I ran behind the tour bus on the other side from the door looking out to see what was happening. " AND IF I SEE YOU AGAI-" 

" Michael stop" I watched as Dave's feet walked down the stairs with the lady. " Sorry this thing is ruff for the boys, you have to understand that Miss" 

" I'm just doing my job Dave, you know that" With that she put her sunglasses on in the dark, probably to shade her evil inside, and she left. Dave went back inside. The blood kept running in the rain worst then what it really was. I looked down at the blade. I looked up to see if anyone was coming, tears still running down my checks as I put the razor blade to my wrist. Pushing down everything spiraling in my head.  ' Wasn't it your fans that pushed Molly to her almost certain death and made rumors and hate up about stupid things. What about the cutting before Ashton, she only knew because of your fans.. now look at her, shes in a comma, dying for life'. I grabbed my hair with my other wrist and closed my eyes, I pushed down even harder and swiped the blade across my arm. My eyes opened as the blade fell, the blood on my wrist pouring a little on the ground. I looked at it, the rain hitting it, washing away the pain but leaving the scars. 

" ASHTON I HAVE A UMBRELLA... ASHTON" 

I was freaking out, I looked at my arm and pulled down my sleeve as fast as I could. When I glanced up I must have leaned on the bus, my blood covered a little part, I heard footsteps, not just one set and I wiped the blood of the bus as fast as I could. I looked down and seen the blade, fresh with blood. It didn't look to thirsty anymore. I bent down and grabbed it from the ground. I shoved it back in my pocket and leaned on the bus. pretending to think, not like I wasn't. 

" Ashton, wtf I have your umbrella" 

" I don't need it Michael, I seen the lady walk out, I'm cold.. maybe go in?" Luke looked at me funny. I just smiled at him walking away.

" Sure, FIFA?" 

" FUCK YEAH" Calum and Michael ran pass me. My head down a little. Luke caught up with me.

" So" 

" So" 

" Ashton, she's not dead. She has a chance kid you know that" 

" Luke shes in a comma, I don't wanna talk about it so let's just go inside okay, it's fucking cold outside" It was pouring by this time and I didn't want to get wet. My arm hurts and I needed to go to the bathroom and hide it, I reached for the door, I heard the drop of something like a blade drop and Luke grabbed my arm..

" Luke" 

" ASHTON WTF IS THIS"  

" Luke, please be qui-"

" ASHTON FUCK-" I put my hand over his mouth, the other guys couldn't find out. His screams muffing in my palm. 

" Look, Luke I can explain, I was waiting for Michael and I haven't worn this in forever, I must have... FUCK LUCAS, DID YOU JUST FUCKING BITE ME?"  

"Yes, I did Ashton" His eyes and eyebrows frowning at me. Mad as a bull getting ready to dash for the red curtain. I was on the ground, struggling, Luke tackling me to the wet cement. " Luke get the fuck off-" I looked at him, his eyes watering up. I looked over as he pinned my arm in one spot. " Luke stop" 

" OLD BLADE MY ASS ASHTON, WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM" 

" YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND OKAY, I'M FINE, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE LUKE" 

" NO" The screams were hurting my heart, breaking the tiny pieces that broke the first time. My head pounding with hate, range and anger. I hated myself. It was my fault she was in a comma. MINE. 

" Ashton your not fine, look... FUCK GOD DAMMIT LOOK AT YOURSELF.. your fucking hearing things, you sit outside by yourself, Ashton... LOOK AT ME, your fucking arm is cut to shreds like it use to be before. Before her... Ashton, look at you, your falling apart, just let us help you please Ashton"

The door to the tour bus opened, Luke on top of me, me on the ground, cold and shaking. In life I was a mess, this fear took over my reality. My hopes and dreams all down the drain... and now Michael, poor kid seeing it all over again, like a re-hatched, Freddy Krueger  nightmare... I closed my eyes and felt the pain of a thousand needles over my arm.

" Dude, are you guys.... Luke what are you and Ashton doing?" I leaned my head over to the side of the pain, opened my eyes and seen Luke's hand covering my arm. My heart relieved. All my gut feeling coming back to me now.