This week was a sad week. Why? you may ask.
Because I've found out that one of the things that means most of me, betrayed me. That one thing that I truly cared about and loved with all my heart, has been slowly killing me.
Yes.
BACON CAUSES CANCER.
Which has taught me that everything you love, kills you.
THIS SUCKS BALLS.
Bacon is one of the most important things in my diet. My daily diet, I mean. I eat bacon EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Sometimes twice a day.
Or three times.
Which means I'll be dead real soon. So much for not smoking and trying to limit my alcohol intake after that one time I got so drunk I jumped of a balcony on the first floor of an appartment complex and broke my foot.
I can honestly not express the sadness I feel inside for having bacon do this me. WHY YOU DO THIS? WHY YOU GOT TO BE SO NICE AND CRUNCHY AND THEN BE DEADLY?
Most beautiful things are deadly. The most beautiful frogs are deadly. Most snakes are deadly, especially when they're pretty. Fuck, even pretty flowers kill you (excuse my language).
I'm calling of a time of mourning in which we will think about the horrific news that has broken my heart.
Yet.
I will not stop eating bacon.
I KNOW I KNOW.
But no.
Bacon means a lot to me. It's the reason I failed the Vegeterian Challenge and if it will be the death of me, then so be it (this is so dramatic I love it). I would rather be killed by bacon cancer than by any other cancer.
So dear Bacon, even though you kill me slowly, I will always love you. I will never stop consuming you. Your crunch makes me feel like I have a purpose, like I can actually get through a day like monday. Bacon, you've been better to me than any female human being ever could.
So this is dedicated to bacon. The true love of my life, that will cause me to die at, I don't know, 30 or something. At the prime of my life, having consumed a lot of bacon and having loved every single piece of it.
HERE'S TO BACON.
Now I'm going to make some bacon.
Peace out girlscout.
- Matt
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Matt book thing
РізнеI am Matt. I am currently a 20 year old living in some part of America. I have ADHD. I tend to talk a lot. And write a lot. All my parts are basically about nothing, but I like to believe they are funny sometimes. That I am funny sometimes. Let me d...
