Seeing Stars

13: Beached Days/ Displays of Love / Last Wishes / New New's / Proper Good Day

Beached Days§

England / Thursday

Z, graciously providing a private flight bumped up my air travel time, as HA was expecting me at a much later anticipated time. At the airport after landing, I am greeted by HA's sister (Gem) who approached me without a word and gave me a long-lasting hug softly crying as she whimpered into my ear, indicating she was glad I was there. Holding her tight to me, I tried to console her as we sway back and forth embraced in one of the airports main lobbies; HA's stepfather (Mr. R ) interrupted, and informed us that we need to get going; as he is always on the lookout for the media; and recognizes the paps are approaching. As Gem and I walk arm and arm, pulling along the luggage headed to the exit for the car, Mr. R expresses how the family is grateful for the early arrival and feels we should make no haste to leave the airport. Arriving at Nana's beach house, the staff gathers the luggage while Gem unrelenting dashes into the interior of the house. I am warmly greeted in the front foyer by MB; she embraces me and we held tight to each other while I hold back tears in fear of releasing them might open up the floodgates and I would become an emotional disaster. I could see over her shoulder, past the living room through the mirrored glassed walled windows, out onto the deck patio where most everyone was. HA, sitting along the table (amongst other guests); appears depleted as he leans back in his chair slouched to one side, and it hurts my heart seeing such a beautiful, caring person look so glum. MB took me into the side dining room and told me she had never seen HA so upset and that they were all very grateful I was there to tend to him. HA hadn't known I was arriving early due to me only informing MB while I was still airborne to pick me up from the airport; so when he heard my voice as I approached the main living area, he immediately rushed into the room to embrace me and cried into my shoulder unlike I have never seen him cry before. After enduring solemn moments of seeing a man I care so deeply for grief-stricken, I was told that HA seemed to be doing much better than before I had gotten there, and I was touched that I could have the privilege of being there for him in his time of need.

Displays of Love §

England / Friday

For the funeral all the band members were present, family and close friends to the family, and even though a private event even the media was there overhead and on standby as they do (uninvited of course) which upset the family even more. Despite that, this family is very tight knit and pressed on strongly for the next phases of Nana's events. The family granted Nana's wishes by having her ashes spread over her favorite spot along the beach. Only a select few of us knew of this event; as it was Nana's actual wish to be cremated and dispersed into the sea in which she loved while spending the majority of her life on this particular beach, so the family carefully coordinated it to avoid publicity. The sea water sprayed alongside the rocks where we all individually took turns saying our farewell tributes to Nana as we lightly dispersed some remains into the water while respectfully giving each person the consideration of patience that comes with the process of letting go. I learned that day that love goes far deeper than mere friendships, for friendships are most often a surface appeal; while love itself is deeply ingrained into us. As we were leaving the water that day while walking towards the shore off of the rocks, I witness one of the most profoundly touching events in my lifetime. HA walking arm and arm between his sister and Lou, dropped to his knees and sobbed into his hands. He then ran behind into Z's firm embrace as they both fell to their knees onto the sand while HA wept. Lou still walking steadily forward toward me; sweeps by me grabbing my arms, directs me to continue walking forward, and we proceeded to the facility house where we met MB and Mr. R. The two boys eventually returned, however, we had already headed back to Nana's without them. Though I don't think HA ever knew, as I never spoke of it until now, but another act of love was shown that day, one that substantially sticks out in my memories as cherished.