Be my friend? [Chenyeol]

Mistakes and Consequences

29th June, 2027

It was twelve to midnight and I couldn't fall asleep.

I had heard Chen make his way up to our bedroom a few hours ago. He was running hurriedly, as if not wanting to be caught. I took that as a sign he didn't want to be followed. We haven't talked since my outburst, haven't even seen each other. All I know is that he fell asleep about 20 minutes ago.
How, you ask?
The muffled sounds of uneven breathing and crying stopped.

So now I sat on our old, blue couch, bundled in the maxi sized fleece blanket, the hope of sleep gone long ago. What if Chen wouldn't forgive me for shouting at him? What if I couldn't forgive him for going behind me back? What if those cigarettes were only part of a way bigger problem I couldn't understand, and couldn't save him from? What if...

What if Chen didn't want to be with me anymore?

I know, you might be thinking those thoughts were totally unrealistic, or stupid, or rushed, but somehow the older I got the darker the colors seemed to become I painted things in.

I let a deep sigh escape my lips, and not long after a few tears and chocked sobs of my own joined it. I hated crying with all my heart, it was stupid and messy, but sometimes it helped. After a few minutes of letting the fear go, I decided to turn on a few candles and get out the now slightly bent notebook, more than half already full with my untidy scrawl. I needed some distraction, and this was the perfect fit.

Chen's Point of View:

I was hiding in a cupboard. I wasn't exactly sure what or whom I was hiding from, but I caught myself holding my breath anytime someone passed by or trying to steady my sharp intakes if I thought anyone might hear, so I definetly was hiding from something. Probably Ilhoon... he just was the type of guy whom one should hide from.

It smelled of mold and mouse shit in here, but I was mainly used to it. Mold and mouse shit was a pretty accurate description of my childhood anyway, along with daddy issues and bad haircuts. And singing.

When was the last time I sang? I wondered to myself. Well, singing had kinda died down with talking, and that had been even before I joined this stupid group. I missed it, though. I missed how it made me feel, the warmth of my vocal cords making my body and mind relax, only concentrating on the notes and words. But that was all gone now, and how would it ever come back? Not talking had been a part of my life for more than five years now, that wasn't about to change.

This had been my special place for the past few days, when I wanted to get away from the rest of my "family" this cupboard was perfect. I mean, who goes looking for someone in a cupboard? Due to being small and thin, I body fit perfectly if I climbed up just right and sat in a fetal position.

But right now it was more than just a introverted defense mechanism, right now I needed to be alone. Cause only alone could I think in peace.

Why did I care what Chanyeol thought?

Way more importantly, why did I care so much? Sure, we had been close to best friends before, but that was on the internet. That wasn't real, was it? Can one fall in love without ever hearing the other's voice, not even seeing them laugh or cry? I had never heard of "Love at first text" or "Love at first comment". "Love at first sight" was the more common phrase, so didn't one have to meet someone to fall in love?

I decided to take my phone out of my pocket, I opened the app I had not even looked at for the past days and went to the chatroom between me and the boy currently sleeping a floor below. I had to gulp at the last two messages. The words made me feel even more guilty than I already was.