I nodded, not quite sure of what he meant by that. I sipped on my hot coffee in the awkward silence that ensued. He was eyeing me when I glanced over to him.
“But you have to give a little too, I’m not an idiot.” He mumbled the last part under his breath and I looked at him questioningly.
“I can see, Beth. And I can see those old scars on your arms. And I’m not going to ask why, but I am going to hope that you’ll tell me,” He took a large gulp of his coffee and I sat there, absolutely shell shocked and staring at my own arms. The scars, the past so old and faded, I’d forgotten its existence altogether. They were old, very old, and they didn’t matter to me anymore. I hadn’t turned to self-harm in years. I shook my head and looked back at him,
“Gee, these are so old. It isn’t that I was keeping it from you; I honestly forgot they were even here. I promise.” I told him, moving to sit myself closer to him.
To show my words were true, I stuck my arms out right in his lap, letting him openly inspect them.
“Don’t hurt yourself Beth.” He said, running his right index finger gently up and down the old marks, putting his coffee cup on the coffee table. I did the same and let him keep looking at my arms for a while longer, before becoming uncomfortable and pulling away.
“Wait,” Gee said, almost desperately and practically pulled me into sitting on his lap. I’d sat on his lap before, Frank’s too, but in a joking kind of way. Where he’d say, “your-fat-ass-is-going-to-kill-me,” before shoving me onto the floor, but this was different, more intimate. I was uncomfortable, and grew even more so as Gee stroked my head.
Finally, having had enough of awkwardness, awkwardness that Gee wasn’t feeling, I cleared my throat and shifted. He sighed, disappointedly and let me plop down next to him. He took a sip of his coffee and motioned to grab mine but I stopped him and laid my head in his lap. He looked confused for a moment, but his hands went back to stroking my hair.
“Are you going to tell me?” He said after a few minutes. I sighed and sat up.
“I just went through hell when I was say oh 13-17, my mom had boyfriends in and out of the house. She paid no attention to me. The boyfriends sometimes paid too much attention, and sometimes were the cause of the way she treated me. I had no friends, I wanted to feel something.” I said, looking up to see his eyes boring into mine. Self-consciously I covered my eyes, I hated them. So light blue they looked like an awkward icey color. I removed my hand to find his eyes elsewhere, he opened his mouth to speak,
“The boyfriends that uh, paid too much attention to you,” he said, accenting too, “like they didn’t do-that?” He coughed nervously, but something else flicked inside his Picasso pointed orbs.
“No.” I said quickly, “But some got pretty close.” The flickering behind his eyes turned into a flame, and then a bonfire and then a raging forest fire as he stood and began pacing, mumbling to himself incoherently.
“Gee.” I said.
“Gee!” A litter louder.
“STOP PACING AND SIT THE FUCK DOWN!” He snapped his head in my direction and quickly did as I said. I placed my head in his lap again, a smile lying out over my lips.
“I’m fine Gee, promise.” I smiled up at him, holding his eyes in mine.
“Your turn.” I mused and he rolled his eyes, sighing possibly the deepest sigh ever on record.
“Honestly, it’s just good old fashioned depression.” He said blankly. Who knew words said so emotionlessly could be capable of holding such…..emotion. I felt as though I was crying his tears and feeling his chest rip open a little more each night he spent drinking away the sadness in order to feel something. I knew me and Gee had a lot in common just then. We both just wanted to feel something than the normal drag of our everyday lives, and had a destructive means as which to obtain the feeling of feeling.
“Whatcha thinking about?” Gee interrupted my deep thoughts, obviously interested. He tapped his index finger on my nose and I giggled.
“The feeling of feeling something.” I said bluntly. He seemed slightly taken aback by my complete openness.
“I feel ya,” he looked at me before we both burst into a fit of laughter.
A/N I was looking for a cute gif to leave you with, but there are just sooo many I had to leave you a few, copy the URL and enjoy (:
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9fzmxLL7x1rvdahv.gif
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzf35ptyDX1qfddgao1_500.gif
~fuenciadofrerard~
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Demolition Lovers
Fanfiction*5 years ago* Bethany Lisa Wood sits in her last day of highschool-ever. She has no plans for her future. Only to get out of the godforsaken town she’d been calling home for the past 19 years of her life. She knew how she was supposed to be sad toda...
