Demolition Lovers

All We Are Is Bullets

A/N- Before I get questions, yes, I skipped ahead in the lyrics of the chapters, just because the lyrics repeat and I also thought this was more appropriate for this chapter anyway. also, I'm so very happy with the reads on this story! I had no idea how popular it was getting, and for a hetero fic? That's a pretty big acheivement, please check out my newer fics, most of them are Frerard and not very far along yet. Thanks for being so patient and supportive! ~Meadow

[Gerard’s POV] 

The funeral was short, small and meaningful. Mom cried, Mikey cried, Beth cried. We all wrote a letter to my father, and I, being the eldest son, had to read mine first, I was nervous it wasn’t good enough. I was especially nervous I was going to be crying too much to see the words I’d written on a crinkled piece of notebook paper. Beth gave me a small, teary, smile of assurance before I stood in front of the 10 family members gathered in the cemetery. 

“Dear Daddy, 

You’ve taught me so much. Even now you’re still teaching me stuff,” I paused and took a deep breath so I didn’t start to hyperventilate, I missed him so much. “We miss you, Daddy. Mikey and I are trying to learn to live life without you, it’s only been a week but it feels as though it’s been forever.” I looked up and saw Beth looking right at me, teary eyed and her makeup was streaking its way down her face, but I knew she was mine, she was the one I needed. My Mom was dabbing at her eyes with tissues, I wish she would just let the tears fall like my Aunts and Beth. This was Daddy, he didn’t care if we cried, he always said that crying was good, to get out all that bad stuff inside. I took a deep breath and read again, 

“Do you remember the Christmas you got Mikey his very first bass? And me an easel and those shading pencils?” I chuckled at the memory, “I was 13 and Mikey was about 9, I think, I played with those pencils until they were little nubs, I taught myself all these techniques and you always supported me, even when I went through my dark stage, you still looked at my work with open eyes and an open heart.” I wiped my eyes. “I remember how happy you’d been when I got accepted to college. I’m going to finish college, Daddy. Then I’m going to make sure I have a nice stable job, and I’ll get a house and marry Bethany, and I’ll take care of Momma,” my voice cracked as I read my last sentence. “We’ll be okay, I promise.” 

I sat back down and weak applause came from the family around me. Beth leaned in and cried on my shirt, I petted the back of her head as Mikey stood up, visibly shaking, and read to my father. 

After the funeral, we returned to my childhood home with heavy hearts, Beth made a homemade meal for us, though nobody really talked much, Beth knew how much we appreciated it. 

_ _ _ _ 

“You don’t know anything!” Mikey screamed at me as he stood, hysterical in the middle of the hallway at my house. I had to go back school tomorrow, I’d missed nearly two weeks due to my fathers death. Mikey claimed I was trying to leave him to run away from my fears. He said I could never understand how close him and my father got while I was away, ignoring him and mom and dad. I ran my hands through my hair, “Mikey, he was my dad too! Of course I understand! I have to finish school!” I yelled. My mom was in her room crying due to our fighting and it weighed a ton of guilt onto my already aching heart. Beth was in the living room, sleeping on the sofa and miraculously not waking up. 

“You haven’t been here for years, Gerard! You left! And now you’re leaving again!” He yelled and walked into his room, I quickly followed before he could shut the door. 

“You want me to quit school and move home, is that what you want Mikey? So I can sit on my ass while you get to go to senior year and then college? How is that fair?” I asked him and heard my mom let out a distressed wail. 

“Stop crying, Momma, we’re sorry.” I begged her and started to cry myself. Mikey just glared at me. 

“Go on, leave.” He said and started to cry, collapsing on his bed.

“We’re leaving for campus in the morning,” I said grimly.

And so at 7 am, I carried a still sleeping Beth into the back of Frank’s car (he’d agreed to give us a ride home, probably out of sympathy, but did it really matter?) I kissed my mom goodbye, and promised I’d come home more often. She promised her and Mikey would be just fine, it would just take some adjusting, and I believed her. I gave Mikey a hug, but it was clear things between us were still bitter. My Mom insisted on coming out to car to see Frank and say a goodbye to Beth, even if she was still fast asleep. Frank got out and hugged her, offering condolences with tearful eyes. My Mom kissed Beth’s forhead, which I thought was very sweet. I kissed her again and told her I loved her. I climbed into the passenger seat and watched my house get smaller and smaller in the review mirror until it was completely gone, just like my dad.