Frost Bite

Chapter 28

Jack

"Is it done?" Josie asks when she wakes up next to me, her eyes fluttering open and I wish I wish I wish that she hadn't opened her eyes. That I could live in the space before I have to leave her, give her up. That I could have an eternity in the little cranny of time when she was mine.

"It's done," I assure her and I run my hand through her hair, one last time.

Josie smiles at me, like she has no idea what it means now that she's safe:

goodbye.

Ryan is busy packing and Josie is lounging on her bed, like she doesn't have a care in the world.

I stand in the hall, watching her go through my books on her nightstand and I sigh. She hears me and looks up, grinning like she doesn't have to put her real life back in order.

I am a glacier, melting and refreezing and then melting all over again until I no longer resemble what I was before. In one thousand years of hardening and icing over, Josie has come and changed me, taken away all my sharp edges and warmed me. And that's exactly why I have to tell her goodbye.

I motion her over but take a step away when she moves to kiss me. If I let her I'll be undone. I will not stop and she'll never be safe and I'll really be the bastard Ryan tells me that I am.

He will be so, so happy in five minutes.

"Jack?" she says my name with so much familiarity. It bruises me. I am one giant bruise, punched in the gut a thousand times, bleeding out on the inside. The hurt on her face is nothing compared to the inquisition in my chest.

"Not here." I walk into her room and she follows, her footsteps soft and unsure behind me. She doesn't know exactly what's going on but she's smart enough to know she's not going to like it.

"It's time for you to go home," I announce once she's closed the door.

Relief breaks out on her face. "Oh. I know that."

I shake my head. "No, I don't think you understand. It's time for you and Ryan to go. The danger is gone, you can go live your normal lives."

She frowns. "Normal lives? You're not planning on ever seeing me again?" she cocks a brow and moves closer, like she knows exactly what she does to me, like she knows every inch she moves closer wreaks havoc with me.

I hold my breath, count to three, step back, try to get her out of my head, out of my system. But it's too late – I'm addicted. There's no getting rid of her.

"No, I'm not," I lie. Because I'm an asshole and when she's gone I'll be there with her. In the dead heat of summer I'll draw incongruous patterns of frost on her window. I'll be the cool breeze and the random shiver that goes up and down her spine.

I'd like to trace the length of her back with my fingers.

She stares at me like she can't tell if I'm joking or not.

I wish I were.

"You're serious?" she asks and her face has settled into a hard expression somewhere between anger and determination.

"I am."
 She narrows her eyes. "Jack, I swear, you are such an idiot. This is some bullshit altruistic, keep me safe by staying away form me break up, isn't it?" she demands, folding her arms across her chest and anger has never looked so good on anyone. Ever.

Yes, I think.

"No," I say.

"You are a horrible liar," she informs me because somehow Josie has figured me out. She's sought out all my dark corners, all of the parts of me that I kept hidden and secret because they hurt too much in the open.

"I'm not lying."

"Yes, you are. You lip twitches when you lie." She moves forward and stares me in the eye and I'm drunk with her. I want to fold her against me and keep her there forever. "If you're not lying, tell me you don't love me," she dares, her voice soft and breathy.

My heart throbs in my chest. It beats me from the inside out and I swallow thickly because she's so close and I can feel all 98.6° of her body heat through both her clothes and mine.

"I don't love you," I tell her. Hurt makes me sound angry. Reluctance lends my words force. I am halfway convincing but it's not enough to convince Josie, who has put together the puzzle that is me and found a coherent image in the pieces.

She smiles and shakes her head. She stands on her tiptoes and wraps her arms around my neck and everything I see is Josie and the curve of her lips and the perfection of her eyes and every cell in my brain is about to short circuit with the feel of her against me.

Everything that matters is Josie.

She leans forward and her lips graze my cheek. "I don't believe you. Your lip still twitched, even after I told you about it."

Damn.

I hold my breath. I don't dare to move because I know if I do it'll prove to her that I really am lying, that I do love her so much it fights is way out of me every day in the most painful way possible. Because if I move, it won't be to push her away.

She leans against me and I accept her weight without even thinking about it because she is the sun that melts away all that I wish I weren't – all my frosty, snow-covered parts that came from a hundred years of solitude and every year after that.

"Jack, you know I love you too. I choose this, okay? I accept the risk, the terms and conditions. I'll sign the waiver. Don't leave me, Jack," she begs and her breathy voice breaks toward the end and I'm unraveling at all my fraying edges.

Even though it makes me want to throw up, I pick the words that I know will hurt her the most. "You're going home. Don't you think your dad misses you? Don't you think Ryan misses his family? He won't go back if you don't. You need to go, Josie. You can't be with me. I don't love you and you're temporary. You have a short shelf life."

Josie's face is a mask of shock and hurt. "Right. I'm human. Jesus, Jack, I never thought you'd use that as a reason to get rid of me. As a way to hurt me. You really think you want me gone, don't you? You really think I can just forget and move on?" She shakes her head and kisses me, so quick and so perfect I don't even think to move. "Not everything human is temporary, Jack," she whispers before turning around and walking away.

And out of the corner of my eye, I see my favorite books on her nightstand.