Frost Bite

Chapter 33

Jack

The danger is gone. I'm aware — but I can't help the worry that perhaps, the Asshole in the Yukon had friends. He doesn't really strike me as the type to have friends. But I can't. Stop. Worrying. I close my eyes and all I can see is her huddled around Ryan, trying to save the both of them from freezing to death — or worse, the bruises on her face from when the Prick kidnapped her.

In all likelihood, the danger is gone from her life with me. But I can't help but desperately hope that she'll find some other force no human could contend with. And so I stay close, hoping that something terrible will happen because that's what terrible people — if I even am people — do.

And as the weeks go by and absolutely nothing happens I stop watching for something and start watching her. She acts as if nothing is wrong, though I can see the light in her eyes and I can't help the satisfaction that I feel when I realize that she misses me. Not the adventure or the danger or the idea of something other, but me. And she does her homework and joins the volleyball team and does all the things that she's supposed to be doing. But there's this feeling of wrongness that she can't seem to shake.

Ryan never stops watching. Watching her, watching the frost that creeps up the windows — and he convinces himself that it's not me.

I don't realize she's at a breaking point until a month and a half after she's been back. She's in front of the line for some drill that's really no different from the others when I hear, very clearly, "Why the hell does she insist on acting like everything is normal?"

Only I see the slow tensing of Josie's shoulders and the way she swallows thickly. Her grip on the ball she's carrying tightens and I think she might actually break it.

"Well you know why coach even let her on the team. Pity." The resentment is clear in this girl's voice.

"She's never even played sports before. You saw her — she used to be all soft and all of a sudden she's come out of the wilderness like she's been on fucking Survivor and now she's an athlete?" I see the way Josie bites the inside of her cheek and the way her hands begin to clench into fists. I think that perhaps she should have taken up marital arts instead of team sports.

"What even happened to her out there?"

"I heard that she just like snapped from the stress of life and was part of a drug group that likes to go out in the wilderness."

"I heard she was kidnapped and had to go to weeks of rehab and therapy for PTSD. Like some guy kidnapped her."

The other girl snorts. "Well what about Ryan? He got kidnapped too?"

"I mean I don't why they were kidnapped. But she's all quiet now. She never used to be able to shut up and now she's like something out of the Walking Dead."

"Sure, Sarah. Josephine Herrmann is the coming of the zombie apocalypse. I think she just went crazy. Spending all her time trying to be perfect, sucking up to all the teachers. It's not like she was ever normal."

Josie turns around to glare at them and the girls have the good sense to look horrified that they were overheard — but there's no real contrition. Josie turns back to the court where it's now her turn to play and I see all the rage and hurt in her expression when she spikes the ball right hard down onto the court.

The girls behind her are absolutely quiet and I see Josie clench and unclench her fists. And I wonder who it is she wants to punch — the girls or me.

"Josie, are you all right?" her coach asks her, clearly concerned that her new star player is unhinged.

Josie works her jaw and for a moment, I think she's going got tell the truth.

"Just fine," she says and gets back in line but I know her and I know the look on her face and I can see quite clearly that no, she's not fine. And I think that it might be my fault.