Frost Bite

Chapter 36

Jack

Ryan stares at me like I've run over his favorite dog.

I smirk at him, because old habits die hard.

"What are you doing here?" he demands, glaring at me and then openly staring at Josie in her bathrobe.

I narrow my eyes at him. Maybe I'm creepily possessive, but she's not his to stare at.

"Hey. Watch where you're looking," I tell him.

Ryan just glares harder at me. "I hate you."

I shrug. "I don't really care."

"Hey, play nice, boys," Josie says over her orange juice. I flip her eggs and toss some bread into the toaster. "Ryan, would you like breakfast?" she asks, but she looks at me when she says it.

God I wish Ryan weren't here.

"No, I would not like breakfast," he says but I know what he's really saying. He doesn't want anything made by me, not anymore. Even though he has reason to know that I'm an excellent cook.

I just smile as I put Josie's eggs on a plate with the bacon and toast.

"None for you? I'm shocked. I didn't think you did anything without getting something in return," Ryan says caustically.

Josie's face hardens because she knows why I don't eat – not just because I don't need to, but because it's like pretending that I'm alive.

And I don't want to pretend. I want it to be real too much.

Ryan should know about that kind of wanting.

"Ryan, what did I say about playing nice?" Josie asks, raising her eyebrows at him.

Now Ryan looks like his favorite dog bit him.

"He's an asshole."

Josie looks up at me then with a serious face. "You are an asshole to him. Come on. He's my best friend. I wouldn't have made it through half the shit in my life without him," she says, reaching out for his hand and he gives it a quick squeeze before dropping it.

And I know she's talking about her mom and losing her.

So I nod and shut up because Josie's just slept with me, not Ryan. And he knows it.

"Now, what's up Ryan? You came over for a reason and then were distracted by Jack's assholian behavior toward you."

Ryan's mouth is tight, like he feels Josie's just placating him. "I came over because I know how lonely and depressed you've been," he throws me a pointed look, "and I wanted to make sure you're all right. I can see I didn't need to worry. I'm redundant."

Josie frowns at him. "Ry, I appreciate your concern," she says and I know she means it, but those aren't the words Ryan wants to hear. I'm not the person he wants to be standing in this kitchen making her breakfast without a shirt on.

Ryan would prefer it if I had died in that blizzard a thousand years ago. And before I met Josie, I would have preferred that too.

"Thank you for taking care of her," I say because Josie wants me to make peace and because I truly mean it. I know if that if anything happens to me, he'll be there for Josie. He'll keep her strong and sane, keep her going. And that means more to me than he'll ever know.
 Ryan gives me a look that could melt steel. "Well you certainly weren't here, were you?"
 "Ryan," Josie's voice is like the crack of a whip but Ryan doesn't jump, doesn't stop glaring at me.

"Let me know when you remember who's been there for you for the last twelve years," Ryan snaps, pushing off from the kitchen counter and slamming the front door behind him.

Josie lets out a breath. "Jesus."

I shrug. "He loves you. A lot. You hurt him with your indifference more than my assholian behavior ever could. That's really what's pissing him off."

Josie frowns and something about the expression makes me want to kiss the crease between her eyebrows. "I'm not indifferent, though."

"It feels that way to him, because you don't love him back the way he loves you. Trust me, I get it."

Josie's face softens. "But I wanted you from the moment I met you."

I don't know if it's the gentle sincerity in her voice or the honesty in her eyes that makes my throat thick when she says that but something in my torso clenches and doesn't unclench.

"But I didn't know that."

Josie gets up from her seat and wraps her arms around me. She rests her cheek against my chest and there's nothing in the world that could make me move. There's nothing the world could offer that means more than this.

Aside from the impossible, that is.

"I love you, Jack," she says with confidence because she knows with absolute certainty that I feel the same.

Which is both exhilarating and terrifying.

"If there's a cure," I whisper in her ear, because I know this is what she wants to hear, "I will find it."

She pulls back so she can look me in the eye. "Say that again."

"If there's a cure, I'll take it. I'll find it, I'll get it, I'll do whatever I need to because, Josie, I want to be with you," I say and it's hard because I have been frozen solid for so long it's hard to tell the truth anymore. The truths that matter, anyway. But because of her I've thawed and I'm beginning to melt. "I don't want to live one second longer than you."

Her expression turns into something I don't have a name for but I feel it in my gut – it's the same way I feel about her and I wonder if Josie and I are really one person in two bodies, the way that all our edges meet perfectly.

"We'll find the cure, Jack." She says it like a promise; even though there's no way she can promise this. No way that I can promise her anything.

All I know is that I can't stand to watch her grow old with out me.

I will not be the one left behind again.