Frost Bite

Chapter 43

Jack

I spent the rest of the night curled around Josie, hoping that this isn't the last night I hold her in my arms. I don't sleep another minute, can't bring my eyes to close because if I close my eyes that's time I can't memorize Josie's face.

In the dark, as I hold her as close as physically possible, I realize that I might not be as ready for the cure as I thought I was.

Josie stirs eventually because I fidget. I know I shouldn't wake her – I should let her sleep, but I can't. I need to hear her voice before this happens. I need to see her clear eyes and see her smile at me.

"What time is it?" she murmurs, rubbing at her eyes.

"I don't know," I admit. The sky is just barely gray with the first light of the morning but I can't stand it. "I woke you because Summer has agreed to give me the cure," I inform her.

Josie freezes, her eyes going wide and she beams at me. "Jack that's amazing!" She wraps her arms around me tight and even though I couldn't see it in her face, I know she's terrified. Her grip around me is too tight and she doesn't let go, doesn't pull back because I think there's fear in her eyes she doesn't want me to see.

"She hasn't told me yet – I overheard her and Ryan talking," I admit. "I couldn't sleep last night."

She finally pulls back. "I bet," she says, running her fingers along my jaw. "Jack, why didn't you wake me sooner?"
 "You needed sleep," I tell her, leaning close until my forehead rests against hers and I realize I'm terrified. I'm terrified that the cure won't work and that I'll just end up dead and every second that I thought I would be with Josie will be just a lie – a figment of my imagination because I never deserved it.

Josie looks at me with those green-gold eyes and I swallow thickly. "I need you more," she says simply, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. And I wonder if she realizes what she's done for me – how she's changed me and what it's meant.

"I need you, too. That's why I'm doing this. I want to be human with you. I don't want to stay the same while you grow up and change and I'm left stuck exactly where I am."

I don't want to outlive you, I think but don't say. I know how it would make Josie feel.

"Jack, you've changed," she whispers, "you're not the same man who pulled me out of the storm. You're so different and I wish you could see how."

"I love you, Josie."

"I love you, Jack," she promises. "This is a good day. You're going to be human," she says, like it's a guarantee even though we both know it's absolutely not.

And then I absolutely can't stand that I'm not kissing her and my mouth is on hers and her fingers are in my hair and my hands are on her back and we're knotted together like it would be impossible to try to untangle us.

Her breath is hot in my mouth and I don't want this to end. I want this to be every day of my life forever.

"Jack," she whispers my name and her hands are under my shirt and running up my chest and my fingers play with the hem of her shirt and then all that matters is in a couple of hours I could be gone and there's an urgency that wasn't there before. Then she's on top of me and we're skin on skin and I wonder if this is the right decision for only a split second before I forget the question because the answer is Josie, always Josie.

By the time the sun has come up, Josie is lying on my chest, running her fingers along the stubble on my jaw. "I suppose we have to go get the cure eventually," she says wryly and I know she's trying to be brave for me and my chest is so, so tight.