If He Only Knew

i'll always be here

{ listen to the song while reading this because I think it suits the mood}

"L-Lukey?" Michael choked out finally. His green-gold eyes blurred their vision with tears at the sight of the boy he loved in such pain. He blinked them back fiercely. No way was Luke going to see him cry. "I'm f-fine Michael" Luke whispered, barely able to speak. Michael was going to think he was such a freak.

Michael went and sat down next to him and draped his arm around his shoulders and rubbed them reassuringly. "No you're not" he answered, smiling through the tears he was fighting back. He cupped Luke's face with his right hand and used him thumb to brush away the tears cascading down his face.

"No- M-Mikey," Luke whimpered, "You're going to think I'm so stupid." He covered his face with his hands. Why did his mind have to do this to him? Michael rested his forehead right on Luke's, "No I won't. How could you think that about yourself? When you're upset, you don't have to be embarrassed about it, it's okay not to be okay sometimes." His soothing voice calmed Luke's pulse but sent his adrenaline into spikes of pure energy and tension.

"It's....It's my anxiety M-Mikey. Its honestly s-s-so bad. Calum thought he was being clever b-by putting on that film. I-I can't deal with scary films. I just c-can't." Luke said, breaking into soft sobs afterwards, burying his head into Michael's shoulder. Luke breathed out the final words he was capable of speaking, "I p-panic about everything."

Michael's heart felt like it'd been stabbed by his guitar pick. "Hey hey it's okay," He soothed, "If Calum tries to make us watch a scary movie again, I won't let him."

Luke slammed his hands down on the floor, "It's not just that!" He cried. Michael was taken aback, a little hurt. Luke saw his reaction and more tears welled up in his eyes. This is it. He thought, He thinks I'm a freak. Fuck, what have I done.

"I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to lash o-out I'm such a failure, I'm sorry." Michael's face softened, "Hey, I lash out too sometimes. But don't worry, whatever it is, please come and talk to me. I can't stand it when you're sad. You're not a failure, you have so much talent and you're so nice and...you're...you're just perfect Luke..."

Luke, slowly and shakily, stood up and tugged Michael up with him. Without thinking, he lunged forward and just hugged him, squeezing tightly, but not so he couldn't breathe. His shirt smelt of peppermint and hair dye, it was exactly how Luke imagined it. He breathed in the intoxicating smell. Michael was a bit surprised by the hug but he liked it. He pulled the blue-eyed boy tightly into his chest and stroked his hair repeatedly saying, "It's going to be fine Lukey." Luke finally pulled away, wiping stale tears from his face, and sat down on the couch, Michael following him.

Luke moves, Michael moves. Like magnets in a way. They were completely different poles. But opposite poles attract.

It was almost four in the morning now. Luke and Michael had been up talking for what seemed like forever. They were now lying on the couch, Luke nestled into Michael's chest, Luke was listening to his heartbeat, it was almost calming. Michael was practically falling asleep. Luke was still jet-lagged so it didn't bother him as much. But Michael's eyelids felt as heavy as metal shutters. He was slowly drifting off, when he heard Luke whisper,
"Thanks for being here Mikey..."
Luke thought Michael would be too tired to answer, but he heard a raspy reply, "Don't you understand Lukey? I'll always be here. Always." Followed by a loud yawn. Luke watched as his kitten boy drifted off to sleep and lay there listening to his heartbeat. It was like a song you never get tired of, he could listen to it forever.