If He Only Knew

notes

a/n: i literally was non stop  shaking for about an hour and im sitting here in the dark in my room writing this and im wondering what I'm doing with my life.
dedicating this to
•gigi because she's gone for like 2 months and I miss her </3
• and liv because she's my best frand in the entire world and my everything and she helps me through all my shitty problems.
----

luke hit the replay button again.

"and now we're here with the worldwide boyband sensation, one direction. they're getting ready for their upcoming Where We Are tour, where millions and millions of screaming, crazy fans all over the world will be right there! Some travelling miles just to see their idols."

replay.

worldwide

replay.

millions and millions

replay.

screaming...crazy...

Luke slammed his macbook shut and gripped his hair tightly, his white knuckled fists almost yanking strands out.

the knot in his stomach couldn't seem to unravel itself, it was just, stuck there, impossible to undo.

tears rolled down his pale cheek as his mind fell deeper and deeper into worst case scenarios and "what if" situations. he couldn't seem to stop it.
down
down
down
he fell almost endlessly.

his mind echoed the thoughts he'd been having.
you can't do it Luke
don't even try
you'll let the whole band down
especially
Michael.

he had been debating to make this decision all day. he knew this was the right one. the band didn't need him. they could tour without him. they could always find another lead. they don't need him. they won't care. they'll just replace me as soon as im gone.

no one will care.

michael won't care.

Luke looked at the clock on his wall. 11.45pm. time to go.

•~~the next morning~~•

Michael waltzed into the kitchen with an absent mind, still in a good mood from the news yesterday, to see Calum and Ashton sitting at the kitchen table. Calum's eyes were blotchy and red.
Calum never cries. Ashton was holding a piece of crumpled paper in his free hand. The other was practically holding his head up, as if it would've hit the table if there was no support.

they cancelled the tour,
was all Michael could think.
"did they cancel it? those fuckers." he said his happy light green eyes fading.
Ashton and Calum both shook their heads simultaneously, kind of like robots.

suddenly. it clicked in michaels brain. wires fusing together. 3/4.

"where's Luke." Michael said slowly, his voice rising.

Ashton gulped loudly. Calum sighed, another tear rolling down his face.

"oh fuck, no," Michael choked, "he didn't, I mean, he didn't-"

"no." Ashton cut him off.
"he didn't."

Michael felt something like relief, but he still couldn't breathe.

"then where-" he started again,

Ashton swallowed, how could he tell Michael this?

"he packed for New York last night. caught a cab to the airport about three this morning. everything's gone from his room. he's gone Michael."