That little pink razor
Has brought me so much relief
But it is also
One of the greatest mistakes
In my shortened life.
Watching the blade
Slowly rip into my skin
As red droplets well up
And cascade down my arm
Mixing with my tears
Down the shower drain.
I thought if
I hurt myself
Then others couldn't
Like somehow that tiny blade
Could give me strength.
The strength I needed to
Escape the torment
The ridicule
Life.
I will admit that
Although I did not want to be gone now
At one point I was ready for death
I yearned for it.
I had so many plans
So many ways to do the deed.
Jumping off the school roof
Out my bedroom window
Hanging myself from the ceiling
With a noose of colorful belts
Swallowing the many pills
In mom's medicine cabinet.
The thing that stopped me though
Was the note.
You know how people write suicide notes
Before they do the deed?
Well no matter how many time
I sat at my desk
With my pen in hand
And tear spotted paper
I couldn't do it.
I decided I would just have to endure.
