I'm Yours | BxB

9.) Wicked Games

Bring your love baby, I could bring my shame. Bring the drugs baby, I could bring my pain. I got my heart right here. I got my scars right here -The Weekend

We pulled back up to my old place of rest. I was sore. I was bleeding, and I was hurt more than anything. I'm past the point of caring. I've convinced myself that he only hits me because he loves me. All these thoughts were running through my mind as the car came to a complete stop. I allowed my sniffles to be stifled by his music playing. The aroma of his weed filled the air heavily...

" Are you still crying? " He asked, turning to me.

I wiped the dried and fallen tear residue from my face. He would never know how much pain he has brought me. " No. "

" Yes you are... " He laughed lowly. " So now you know better now right. "

I didn't respond to him. He grabbed my chin roughly, and turned my face towards him.

" Now you know better... " He squinted. " Right? "

I nodded my head.

" I need words from you. " His grip on my face still resided.

" Yes Zhan. " I said.

" Good. Kiss me right quick. " He smiled.

It's crazy how he could kiss a face he has just beaten. My fear is that if I leave him he will find me. If I tell the police they won't believe me with no evidence, and I'm almost never seen with him. He pecked my lips, and I didn't return. The kiss was very one sided, and I could tell he noticed. He let go of my face, and sat back.

" So you gone leave me after this huh? " He asks, scratching his chin, and look out his window. I know he's just waiting for me to say the wrong thing.

" I just wanna go home. " I sniffle and wipe another tear on my sleeve.

" We outside your house now Roman. You have no home. " He points past me to my empty, dark, home.

I stare out at it as well, and realize what he's saying is true. I'm left alone in the moment of my life where I need support the most. I'm not a charity case, but these days I feel like one now more than ever. He says the foulest things to me, and I continuously put up with it because I long for love. I long for what my mother and father never granted me with. I want the warmth and comfort of someone. I want to feel close to someone. My main attraction to Mizhano is that he reminds me of my father.

As disgusting as one may think that sounds. I have to remind myself that I don't know kind love. My mother and father barely said I love you to each other, let alone saying I love you to me. I do think in some way, shape, or form they were unhappy with each other. The only thing holding them together was that they had a child together. Even still, I was a problem for them because I was gay. I wasn't good enough for them. I would never match up to the family name. As little the family name is. I'm even afraid of having my own child because I won't be able to return the same type of love that I wasn't granted with.

Mizhano instills authority into our relationship. My Dad instilled authority on to me when he saw me doing wrong. I stay with Zhan because in a way he's an equivalent of my father. Yes. It's safe to say at this point I have daddy issues, issues as such that will never be resolved. Now I am left with questions about my identity and my worth.