The Essence Of A True Being

Three.

Walking along the rustically beautiful dirt road, I let my mind wonder. When I die, or when someone dies, that's it. They don't get another chance. The way I see life and death in itself is when you die, you take your last breath and it goes black. And that's just it, you're done, you're gone. You're mind shuts down, forbidding the murderous thoughts from reigning over the mind. Everything shuts down. We can't stop this tragedy from happening, death is coming. Whether you're young or old, death will greet you. It will be a depressing moment but it must happen. death is coming, and you must welcome it wether you want to or not.

The sun began to sink behind the vast spread of trees, signaling it was time for me to head home. Walking quickly in a race against my life, I barely made it before the darkness overcame the land once again. Considering my exhaustion, I trudged to my room and collapsed onto my bed. As I struggled to fall asleep my mind kept pulling, begging to be set free and wander  among the curious thoughts  i dream of.

I'm not sure of my feelings for Jackson, and I'm not sure if he is either. Around my school he is a large player, you can never be sure how he feels about a certain girl. I don't understand how he could stand to look at me. Honestly it triggers my gag reflex to even look at myself. How could he love someone who's defective, a fault in the natural order of this body we call society.

It really is an ugly thing. Teenaged girls aren't allowed to do anything without getting labeled as a white girl or emo or any thing of that sort. In today's society you have to be so skinny you're ribs have to show. If you aren't skinny or have a large thigh gap, you will not be loved. In today's society you have to have the same style as everyone else, Perfect eyeliner and eyebrows. If you aren't perfect you will not be loved. Society today is the monster we feared under our bed and in our closet as kids. We never realized the real threat are the people around us, our peers. I do not believe you have to be stick thin, or have perfect makeup and a thigh gap. If people saw personality instead of the features on our body, society's definition of beauty would be completely different. I finally drifted off into a restless sleep after finally penning up my curious mind.

Walking to my first period, I saw Jackson. At first glance I felt a small tingle of happiness to see him, but as people cleared I saw another girl on his arm. She was skinny, blonde, pretty, perfect. My heart plummeted to the ground, shattering into thousands of pieces upon impact. The pain soared through my veins and struck my heart like lightening. Had he forgotten about me and moved on already? I don't know why I was suprised, considering he is a player. I think he noticed my eyes becoming glossy, but did nothing. He looked lovingly at the girl next to him and kissed her. I couldn't take being there any longer and sprinted to the bathroom, praying it was empty. I skipped first, second, and third periods, the pain still searing my heart. It wouldn't go away no matter how hard I tried. I then realized in that moment that this pain will stay for a long time. This fight to the light will be hard and long. I will bleed and I will shed tears. I don't know if I'll make it, but I know I can try. I need someone, please send help. Can't you see I'm suffocating? I feel like I'm drowning in the streets and no body can see me dying please send help.

Walking to my fourth period, my eyes still puffy and red from the rivers flowing from my eyes. Nobody seemed to notice the emptiness inside of me. That's one of my major problems. I always see through everyone's fake smile and laughter. But nobody sees the real pain in me. I am dead inside. I'm gone. I've already greeted death. It's come for me and I can't come back. From this moment on a piece of me will be gone. I will always be broken inside, one piece missing from the puzzle. And nobody can change that.

Hey guys so this chapter was pretty depressing but I've been in a sad mood I guess lately and a lot of this are things I've been keeping inside. I love you guys. Thanks for reading.