No Matter What

January 1st

**** Please be at least 15 to read this story. **

* Enjoy loves. *

It is Thursday, January 1st.

Happy New Year to you all living things all around the beautiful world that we call home sweet home!
I am Roxanna Kathryn Brooks and I have made it through another year in this extremely judgmental world. Thank you super fabulous Universe!

Sit up in bed, yawn and stretch, all of that normal stuff that you do when you first wake up early in the morning.
My phone says that it is 10:30 am along with a bunch of missed calls, voice mails and texts from friends and family members wishing me a happy new year. To summarize, my hotline was blinging.

It was supposed to snow since before school was let out for Christmas break but it never showed up until last night, midnight, to be exact and it was barely an inch. Now all of that snow is gone. Meaning that there's going to be snowstorm coming when least expected.
Everyone heard the leaves crunching on the ground while walking home. I was part of a New Year's Eve celebration and I snuck back home and into bed at 2:30 am.

Everyday here in this small town, there are always leaves on the ground.
A small town in upstate New York, vague on the map, it's called Cooperstown. It's a couple of hours away from New York City. Many people think it's eight hours away. Well, it's not. Rochester is eight hours away. It just makes me seethe that people do not know distance differences.

I call my home town, Cooperstown, New York, Autumnalville because all year long, the ground is filled from leaves to snow.So my home is Autumnalville.

I was part of a New Year's Eve celebration and I snuck back home and into bed at 2:30 am, without waking up all four of my grandparents.
Yes, I live with both of my grandparents. I was the child of two people who were only children. My mother's maiden name was Clark. Dad's surname was Brooks.

I spent that the first seven years of my life, I lived in New York City. Then we moved upstate.

Sadly, my parents died in a car accident eight years ago, a year after moving upstate. My parents saved my life. They pushed me out of the car before the car tumbled down and hill and got crushed to pieces. Since then, I have been with all four of my grandparents.

As I crawl out of my queen size bed, I realize that I never changed into my Bugs Bunny onesie.
I went to bed with my heels still on my feet, and my headband made a red mark on my forehead. Not such a great start for the new year.

Yet, many things have changed since I came back to school from my suicidal prevention facility.
Yes, I just said suicidal prevention facility.
I was suicidal last summer. Now, that the summer of 2014 is all behind me, it is something that I regret.
Back then, I thought of it as the only way out of my problems.

Feeling very insecure about yourself can lead you to dark places that you cannot get out of.
Throughout my time at this facility, I made a lock screen for myself. The lock screen said, 'Hey little fighter, soon things will be brighter.'
That is what my therapist told me my second to last week at the facility. My therapist thought and felt that my soul was screaming it's loudest for help and desperately needed to be saved.

I was two and a half weeks late for school. Although, my school sent work to the facility.
Remembering my first day back in school, Monday, September 21, 2015, the Autumnal Equinox. The start of my favorite time of year. Autumn. My friends were glad to see me doing better than I was in the end of July, just before I was sent to the facility.