But he's my best friend? -Phan

Chapter 18 (Dan POV)

Dan POV

I was in a state of shock as I glared at Phil. Why would anyone do this? I tilted my head indicating that we needed to talk and lead the way to the door, Phil following behind me. We walked outside the building on to the street beside it. It was dark and only lit by the dim glow of orange street lights. The air was bitter, so there was not many people around except a few people leaning against the wall of the building waiting for a taxi. Phil came out behind me face filled with dread. "I take it you got the same text then?" he asked, though we both knew he already knew the answer.

"Yes, what do you think they want? Should we ask them?" I replied. "No Dan of course not why would we answer them back?!" Phil said while doing that thing with his hand that he does when he is nervous. "Because what if they tell everyone about us! The whole world could know we are together. We need to do something" I said panic stricken.

"Wow someone really doesn't want anyone to know about us" Phil mumbled. "No Phil its not that..."I tried to explain "No Dan it is, I told my parents about us, you still haven't told yours, and your just so afraid of people knowing about us, am I really something to be that ashamed about" Phil stated his eyes clouding over and a single tear running down his face on to his pale white cheek. With every word I felt hurt. He was so wrong, I could never be ashamed of him, he was the only person I truly cared about and I never would want to hurt him like this. "Phil.. " I said placing my hand on his cheek to wipe his tears. But he batted my hand away. His skin was ice-cold and he was noticeably shaking. "Dan I know it takes time to tell people, believe me I understand and i'm not asking you to come out to the world Dan but will you ever be ready? Do you actually feel the same way about me as I feel about you Dan, because you drive me insane. You consume my entire life and I am so over-overwhelmingly in love with you that every day I am with you I want to tell everyone how lucky I am to be with you. But I can't. And it makes me think does he actually feel the same or does he just want to keep me his dirty little secret, that no-one needs to know about. And I don't want to be that Dan. I want to hold hands with you at parties, I want to kiss you on the street, I don't want to declare my love of you to taxi-drivers because the only people who can know about us are complete strangers. But I don't want to force you to feel the same as I do, because that's not fair! Tell me! Just tell me are you ashamed of me?!" Phil shouted this time tears streaming down his face. I froze, how could he say this, how could he actually think that I could feel that way about him. But I couldn't find the words to say it.

"That's what I thought.." he said walking away. "Phil!" I called out after him grabbing his arm. He shrugged me off, "No Dan, not now" he said in a monotone voice drenched with grief. Who did this! Who sent that text! Who potentially ruined the relationship of the one person I love! I hate them! I hate them! I screamed in my head. Falling to my knees and sobbing.

It was me.

I ruined this. Why didn't I say something?! Why couldn't I find the words to express my feelings?! WHY? My chest was pounding and I desperately gasped for breaths between sobs. I silently screamed in to my chest clutching at my knees. What if he leaves me? What if this is it? If this is over I have nothing no best-friend, no love, nothing. Phil is my life why couldn't he just see that?

Authors Note- Okay guys as you may sense this will be coming to an end very soon. I'm not going to say too much as I will say a goodbye at the end of this story and I will have the final chapter up tonight! Love you guys x