I lay down above my brother's grave. Not wanting to face another horrible day. Somehow I just wished that werewolves came last night and ripped my throat with their fangs. But I realized that I'm not alone, I still got Spencer. The guy sleeping eternally behind me.
But Spencer wasn't here physically and I didn't want him to be here in a supernatural state. That would only stir my mind until I become totally insane.
"You know what, Spencer?",I rolled my eyes. "Of course you won't answer.", I closed my eyes and let out a sigh.
"But wherever you are now, you know, I'm all alone. I know I got you but look, you can't even pull yourself up in that compartment you're sleeping at. Oh I'm sorry brother, I mean, I'm literally alone now. Riley and Dad just left be broken down. Didn't even got the chance to know the reason.", awkward silence crept in.
"Yes I understand, but haistt----", I came up to sit. "I know you are listening Spencer, thank you. ", I kissed his photo. I'm talking insane here.
Pretending can be very hard sometimes. And talking to a grave is sounding crazy, yes, always. But I only got him right now. If only I could hire a necromancer to revive his life, I would've done it a long time ago. But this is reality, a reality that kills without using any daggers or knives.
"You know Spencer, I think I drained my tears out last night. I want to cry right now but the shed just dried up.", I looked at the rising sun as it illuminated my hagard face.
"Look brother, a sunrise. You know what you always say when we catch up sunrise? "Another hope ascend, let's continue the battle!" And then you'll dramatically raise your wooden sword as you held me in your arms.", I touched the frame of his photo.
"But we lost the battle Spencer, and now we're here", tears ran down my cheeks again.
I let out an abundant session of crying before fixing myself up. I picked one flower from a neighboring grave.
"Mind if you share one? It's holiday season.", I talked to the grave. "Thank you,"
I placed the flower in the vase near Spencer's photo frame.
"Sssshh, just thank him if you meet each other on the road Spencer. You owe him a yellow flower", I kissed his picture once again.
" So I have to go now brother, I'll just take this road and follow where it takes me, so if you're not busy you can walk with me sometimes. Guess I'll just have to accept everything and keep on moving. I'm gonna find Riley and Dad, I love them Spencer even if Dad has never did. I know they love me, but I think believing it is lying to myself. So I just have to pretend. I will find them, I will find mom, can you help me Spencer? Oh yes, I forgot.", I dusted my shirt off.
"Yeah it hurts, I won't lie. Those nightmares still hunt me even in daytime. But I'll get used to it Spencer. ", I tried to hold back the tears.
"I will find a place to live and forget about all of these. Because right now, what I need is something to repair my ruined self before I could fix other's damaged situation.", I looked at the sunrise. A little spark of hope ignited.
"So bye for now Spencer, I will return a few days from now and I'm gonna give you something good to tell. Remember this, Spencer. Everything will be alright.", I'm trying to sound brave.
So I bid goodbye on his grave and started to walk slowly. I watched the road narrowed on my thoughts. So wherever this road takes me, I'll have to go.
I passed on our house but I didn't care to take a look. I just walked straight without looking back. I just don't know where to go.
"Why me? Why of all people did you fire the cannon on me?", I looked above. Trying to restrain my frustrations. I let out a defeated sigh. I was mentally and emotionally dead.
A few hours of walking in a snail pace, something made me look at the right side of the road. This is where I lost, yesterday? Yes, maybe I could find a help from someone here.
But who finds a help in a forest? I'm absolutely out of my mind.
I absentmindedly walked through the forest until I reached a familiar spot. The tree. The tree that got me jealous because of its existence. Maybe I could rest here.
"It's morning but I'm already exhausted.", I told myself.
I rested my head on the trunk. I've been awake for the past 48 hours. But I'm too depressed to even fall to sleep.
Ans then I remembered it, the portal. The voice who told me he could grant my wishes. But I think that's just an effect of hyper depression.
So what do I really want right now?
I see, all I want is to fall into a world full of happiness, just absolute happiness.
"How I wish I could scape this reality.", I closed my eyes as I said those words.
The twigs moved again as two trees bent with each other to form a portal.
"Decisions always carry an equivalent consequence.", a voice filled the open air.
"Tell me, Am I insane?", I bubbled my face.
"Think if you were. If you can still think about it, then it's not.", the voice replied.
"I know I'm depressed, but I still got Spencer to hold on so I didn't turn into one. Although talking to a grave looks crazy at all.", I returned.
"Your wishes gave birth to the portal.", the voice spoke. I don't understand every single thing this tree is saying.
"My wishes? Yes, I want to go to the world where everything is in place.", my voice faded.
"So what if?",
"What if what?", I asked in return.
"Do you really want to go?", the voice asked me.
"If there's any then I will go without second thoughts.. my family just left me. I have nowhere to go. I got no one to approach. I'm like a stray without a home to look at.", Tears ran down again.
The place went silent as its presence gone.
"Hello?", I frowned.
No reply.
So I pulled myself up. I walked closer to the portal. It leads to nothingness. For a second, I think I just saw billions of stars rolling on the spiral path of the portal. So it made me want to go there.
"Wherever you lead, just take me with you.", I touched the surface.
But something tingled my mind. I can't go this way. What if it leads to the outside walls of Attack On Titan, or in DotA, or The Walking Dead? No, I think I'll just stay here and die in depression that to be eaten by a titan or getting gnawed by zombies.
"I can't leave Spencer, and I don't even believe in such world that you were saying.", I frowned at the tree in front of me.
But I really want to. I just really want to go.
I want to forget everything about this world.
"How I really wish the world you were saying is------", a frog leaped on my chest, "Oh my gosh!!!!!", I stumbled my back on the tree and fell into the portal.
"...real", I grabbed my knees, "ouch".
The next thing I knew, I was in a woods full of golden leaves that shines with the sun. Trees that bear diamonds and shrubs that illuminates. The sun is not as hot as I felt before. The sound of the forest is in perfect harmony. Golden dusts floating everywhere as fresh scent of flowers lingered in the air.
I know, I know this is something I've never been before.
YOU ARE READING
The Past Blinded Future
Fantasia"This is what my wishes did to me. I only wish for a happy life. But I never thought that my family would be the payment of this dream I always had." -Mikhail Arcie
