Heavy In Your Arms

CheaterCheaterBestFriendEater

“Please, tell me.” He said. “The pressure to be perfect.” I said looking straight ahead at nothing. “What do you mean?” He asked. “Told you wouldn’t understand.” I said quietly. “Who told you, you weren’t perfect?” He asked. “No one.” I said I tried to look at his face but I couldn’t. “Then why are you doing this?” he asked. “You’re skinny, beautiful, and amazing.” he said and put an arm around me and kissed the top of my head. “I’m really not. Could we possibly stop talking about this?” I asked. “We can if you promise me you’re going to stop.”

I knew I couldn’t keep that promise. And I didn’t want to lie to him because it would come back and bite me in the ass. And lying is wrong. Except for when I was in tight situations then it was perfectly acceptable. Sort of. “What exactly do you want me to tell you? That I didn’t measure up to the high standards that my family had set for me? That I was fat as a kid? That I went to summer camp and felt horrible about myself? That I made myself do this,” I said and gestured to the toilet. “To make myself thinner?” I said and stared at the blue tile on the floor.

“Well, I asked you to tell me why.” “Now you probably think I’m crazy.” I said. “No, I don’t. I’m not going to judge you.” I was finally able to look into his eyes again. I remember when I told the guidance counselor. She started telling me how stupid I was being. Then progressed to be comforting after an hour and a half lecture.

 I leaned up against Jeremy’s chest and closed my eyes. “I’m sorry I’m so fucked up.” I said crying. “It’s okay. I’m not perfect either.” he said and chuckled lightly. “What?” I asked. “We can be fucked up together.” He said and rested his cheek on the top of my head. I laughed a little bit. “At least you aren’t constantly compared to your older sister.” I said.

“That’s only because I don’t have an older sister.” Lucky bastard. “And why would you be compared to her? She didn’t get to move into the pool house you did.” “The pool house has nothing to do with it. It’s just she dresses normal and has a awesome personality according to my parents. And always knows how to pick the best boyfriends.”

“I didn’t think you made a bad choice with your current one.” he said. “No I didn’t I made a pretty awesome choice actually.” I snuggled into his chest and wrapped my arms around him a couple of seconds later I was asleep. I felt him pick me up and I opened my eyes a little bit and realized that he was carrying me. I woke up again when he hit my head on the headboard of my bed by accident. “Ow.” I said but kept my eyes closed. “Sorry.” He said and laughed quietly. He kissed me lightly on the lips. “I love you. Sweet dreams.” “Are you leaving?” I asked half asleep. “No, not yet. I won’t until you wake up.” He said. “Promise?” I asked kind of feeling bad for falling asleep but I was way too tired now to get up. “Promise.” he said and kissed me on my forehead.

When I woke up I jumped out of bed and quickly realized that it was a bad idea. I was extremely dizzy. I feel on my butt. “You okay?” I heard Jeremy ask while running up the stairs. “Yeah. I just got out of bed too fast.” I said trying to get up. “Just checking.” He said and offered his hand to help me up. “You don’t have to worry about me… I’ll be fine.” I said reassuring him as I stood up. “Yes I do. And how do you know that? Did you suddenly become psychic or something?” He asked sarcastically. “No, smart ass.” “watch your mouth.” he said.

“What are you going to do? Wash my mouth out with soap?” “Maybe.” He said and put his finger on his upper lip again. It still had the mustache that he drew on it. “So sophisticated.” I said looking completely serious. “Brooke?” Lydia said from down stairs. “What do you want?!” “Come down here for a second.” She said innocently. “o-o-okay.” I said and walked down the stairs cautiously making sure there wasn’t a damn trip wire or anything.