poetry of the confused soul

Do I Want It?

I've almost been happy in so many occasions

It was so close, I could feel it inside

I felt it course through my veins and my heart

But I pushed it away when it clouded my mind

Love and happiness

I've wanted it for so long

But I don't understand myself

Because in my head, it feels so wrong

I feel I don't deserve it

The feeling of joy

I keep telling myself that it won't last

And that I'll always be a toy

My head keeps saying that no one will want me

That no one will give me affection

That no one will be my savior

When I'm so close to my destruction

Do I really want it

Or do I just not care

But obviously I do

Or this fake smile, I wouldn't have to wear