Ship's Core (CaptainSwan fanfic)

Twenty Six

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//UNEDITED//
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Third person's POV

The group walked back to Pan's camp in silence, Emma holding Roland tightly as she walked. A heavy lump of guilt sat in her chest, weighing her down. It was heavier than any guilt she had experienced before. She felt as though Felix's blood remained on her fingers, never to come off.

Most of the guilt in her chest hailed from the slight entertainment in her heart as she watched the boy die. She couldn't help the overpowering feeling of satisfying accomplishment, which accompanied the feeling of control. She loved the control. She loved the power she got from having the strength to end someone's life. But it was this love for power that made her feel hate for herself.

Her emotions, she liked to think, were similar to a human pyramid. Satisfaction and guilt were at the bottom, with pain, relief, grief, accomplishment, excitment, and much more on top. However, being torn between satisfaction and guilt, the two move apart from each other, causing all the others to collapse down on top of them in a big mess of mixed emotions.

She felt the lump grow as a tear fell from her eye and dropped onto Roland's head. Feeling the wet drip, the boy looked up to her.

"Why are you cryinh, Emma?" He asked in a whisper.

She looked down at him and brought together all the strength she could to force a smile.

"I'm just happy that you're okay, Little Pirate." She said before kissing him softly on the head.

The boy was young, yes, but not stupid. He knew that it was not a tear of joy, but that of sadness. However, he also knew that her lie meant she was hiding something she did not want to talk about. So he just smiled and said no more.

The group arrived back at Pan's camp to see all of the Lost Boys still tied up. They untied them, but still left the ripe around their wrists. Each man took a few boys and walked with them, making sure they didn't run away. They continued walking for hours more until they made it back to their camp, by which point they were exhausted.

They tied the boys up again, but in positions in which they could sleep. They fed them, then everyone went to sleep.

But not Emma. She lay awake for hours, wanting nothing more than to forget about everything that had happened to her over the past few days. Over the past month, for that matter, for then her mother would still be alive.

But I never would have met Killian, she reminded herself.

It wasn't long before her thoughts trailed off to her Captain. His deep blue eyes, dark hair, pearly white teeth. But more than that, his inner gentleman.

Her thoughts always managed to lead her back to that awful lump in her chest, and when this happened, she would do everything she could to think about Hook again. She fell asleep with his chiseled features in mind.

*

The next morning, the crew woke to the usual gloominess of Neverland. Emma grinned slightly when she remembered that this would be their last day in this ghastly place.

They had their usual flavourless, tough hardtack for breakfast, with the rare sweetness of fruit. Emma's sick pain of grief had still not faded away, and she feared it never would. She just managed a couple of grapes and a small piece of hardtack.

About an hour later, after everything was packed and the Lost Boys were given guards, we set off in the direction of the ship. Once again, Emma held Roland protectively in her arms, and the other three boys followed, chatting and giggling endlessly. They knew perfectly not to dare to try to make conversation with the Lost Boys, as the crew had warned them repeatedly.