Chapter 34: Kim’s POV
I drove the car home because I was sincerely worried about letting Cheryl drive after seeing her like that. I could tell that she was on the verge of an attack and I was terrified of how to handle it but with her by my side, I could handle anything. I think I did ok considering. Due to her attack, id hardly had a chance to let the facts sink in. My daughter had just been raped, Cheryl had been raped whilst Kara was made to watch and she hadn’t told me. It seemed too much to handle all in one night but I knew me and Cheryl had to have a talk when we got home because it’s when we bottle things up that causes the arguments.
I wiped the tears from my face hoping that they hadnt been noticable but it was too late. I felt Cheryl’s hand on my leg and instantly knew that she had seen. I needed to be the strong one because of Cheryl’s depression and Summer’s ordeal so I put on a brave face and got out of the car. I wrapped my arm around Summer as we made our way up the steps towards the front door. Cheryl and Kara followed, I ignored the sympathetic looks I was getting from Cheryl, if I kept paying attention to them, I knew I would break down which was something I couldn’t afford to do.
I lead Summer upstairs and helped her into the shower as she didn’t want to be alone. I tested the temperature of the water and sat on the toilet seat as she showered. I knew I was ignoring Cheryl but I knew if I looked at her and saw her pain, I would just break down which I couldn’t allow myself to do. I waited for Summer to finish before wrapping her in a towel and walking with her to her bedroom. I helped her into some pyjamas, ‘I don’t want to sleep in here on my own’ were the first words id heard Summer say since the party. I just nodded, ‘Its ok babe, you can sleep in my room with me and your mam, ok?’ I smiled. She nodded and I lead her into my bedroom down the hall. Cheryl was already in there and in her pyjamas. Summer climbed into the middle with Cheryl on one side and I quickly put my pyjamas on before climbing in the other side.
It was 3am and I couldn’t sleep, I was struggling to hold back the tears any longer but I couldn’t break down in front of Cheryl. I watched Cheryl and Sumer sleep for a few minutes before creeping out of bed, grabbing my dressing gown and making my way downstairs. I walked into the kitchen and saw the cutlery still left on the table from dinner. I stared at it as the tears streamed down my cheeks, I screamed as I used my arm to send it all flying off the table causing it to smash on the floor. I leant on the table and took deep breaths as I grabbed the vodka out of the cupboard, took a swig from the bottle and walked out onto the veranda. I took Cheryls cigarettes off the side as I went, grabbed one and sparked it up before taking a drag.
I stared at the night sky as I continued to down the vodka and drag on the cigarette before sparking up another one. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another in our life and I didn’t know how much more of this I could take. I’d now finished the vodka and was in desperate need of something else to numb the pain. I stumbled back inside, still with the cigarette in my hand. I grabbed a bottle of wine from the cupboard and took a swig as the tears started to fall once more. I knew that I was letting Cheryl down and Summer but I just couldn’t be the strong one anymore. I thre the empty vodka bottle across the room listening to it as it smashed into the wall. I just stared at the shards of glass on the floor before walking back outside and disposing of my cigarette.
I looked at the half empty bottle of wine in my hand and cried. I turned to look at the mess in the kitchen. There was no hiding this from Cheryl but I just didn’t care anymore. It’s funny how happy you can be one minute and then something happens that just sends you down a downward spiral. I remember standing in this exact spot yesterday morning telling Summer how happy I was with Cheryl and now everythings changed. I know its not Cheryls fault so why am I blaming her. I just didn’t understand the thoughts that were going through my head; I couldn’t seem to control them anymore. I needed to take my anger out on something before she was on the receiving end. I turned to face the mirror on the wall and hated what I saw. I brought back my thist and sent it flying into the glass. Shards of glass stuck in my hand and my hand suddenly felt numb as I sank to the floor and just cried.
