God, Love & All Things Surf

Chapter 5: Fear Runs Deep

What could she possibly be so worried about? They had been friends for years. Didn't she trust him? She could be so stubborn sometimes. But this time, Max was going to be just as stubborn. "Try me, Thea." Max dared her, never taking his eyes off hers. He saw her clench her teeth together, making her jaw line more pronounced. This was her 'tell'--she was considering giving up.

She finally broke his gaze, looking into the crystal blue water. "Fine." Max let her take her time. Whatever the problem was she was having difficulty saying it and he knew any amount of force on his part would just make it worse.

"I- I have this thing that happens to me..." she stuttered as she began to explain, mumbling to herself, "Wow that sounded more lame than it did in my mind." Finally she spit it out all at once. "Sometimes I just can't be in certain situations. Like when I'm in the water--not a pool but big water, as in an ocean or lake, I feel like I just lose control of myself and I can't get a handle on my emotions. My mind freezes up on whatever is freaking me out and no matter what I try I can't stop myself from panicking and..." She looked into his face, almost pleading with him to understand. "It's so stupid--"

"Nothing about you is stupid." Max interrupted her mumbling, dipping his head to look her in the eyes. "And I would never make fun of you."

She spoke so softly that Max had to step closer to hear what she was saying over the crash of the waves against the shore. "You know how when I lived in Canada I would go to the lake practically every day and I'd always be in the water?" Max nodded, he remembered hearing her family's numerous stories of living in Canada. It sounded like the ultimate childhood, a lot like his life in Costa Rica. "Well as I got older I would get mixed feelings and I couldn't understand why but... it's like I was scared to be in it--and that didn't make sense because, unlike the ocean, there aren't any sharks or large creatures to be scared of. Anyway, the older I got," she hesitated, as if she was afraid to admit it, "those scared feelings began turning into a terrified, panicky state. Now it's like I have a phobia or something..."

"But I thought you loved the water!?" Max asked, surprised that Thea could ever be so scared when she was such a natural in the ocean. She had never acted terrified.

"I do!  I absolutely do." she agreed with him. "I guess that's one of the reasons why I am able to challenge myself to be in it; because I love it. I only wish I could understand why it causes me to feel this overload of emotions all at the same time." She looked up to catch his reaction. Max shook his head, staring off into the waves. "W-what?" Thea hesitantly asked, worry creeping into her voice.

"All this time," Max stated, "I thought you were hesitant and worried because of, I dunno know, sharks or something. I wish you had told me sooner." His heart ached for her; finding out that she was going through something so huge and he hadn't even known to help her.

"I'm sorry Max. Will you forgive me?"

He could tell she was genuinely sorry. He shouldn't have made her feel bad about not telling him. "So am I. It wasn't my place to say that. It's not my business to know all your secrets." She gave him a weak smile. "I just wish I could have known to try and help make it easier."

"I guess I was scared that if I told people they wouldn't believe me and I'd look like I was just trying to get attention or something. Anyway," her brown eyes looked into his, "you did help me. All those verses that you brought up--they were exactly what I needed every time."

Max smiled back at her. 'Lord, thank you for using me even though I didn't know it,' he silently prayed.

"So is there something that sets it off, or is the fear there all the time?" Max asked, carefully choosing his words as they walked out of the foaming water and onto the beach.