Stay With Me (boyXboy)

-20-

*Jaxon*

It was the day after the incident with Peter and his friend. I had somehow managed to sneak into the living area and build up the courage to call the police on them. They came, quickly and quietly, I think the Police officer was gay, I didn't get judged and he was strangely sympathetic, I mean, they aren't normally that nice, are they.

Anyway I had just given evidence, I was sat staring at a blank television screen. I didn't know what to do. What if they get let go? What if they come after me?

I thought about Lucas and how he needed me, I needed to be strong, we only just started being friends again... or I hoped we were friends. I wanted more and I think he did too, but he has a kid on the way. He doesn't need me in his life.

I pull my knees up to my chest. I felt so alone. I needed Lucas.

After hours of staring. Thinking and staring. I thought back to the 10 year anniversary of Nate, Luc and I being friends. It made me smile, but it also crushed my heart. I was more confident then. All I could think was that I was a shell of what I used to me.

Time passed and I thought about my first experience with Nate. I was happy in that moment despite me being round there because of my parents arguing. I smiled at the memory. Smiled through the pain of my first time and how he wasn't here anymore.

I thought of my first time with Luc, and how he saved my life. How he made me feel loved, his dad let me live with them. I was afraid to choose between the both of them.

"Why did things turn out this way Nate?" I say, looking up. As if he could actually answer me. "I miss you" I say as I bow my head. I wanted Nate more than I have wanted anyone in my entire life.

I sobbed for what seemed like hours. But in reality it was only like 30 minutes.

I got up and grabbed some paracetamol out of the cupboard and walked out of my house. I didn't bother locking the door because what's the point.

I walked passed the cafe that Nate's mum owned and peered into the window. I lingered for a moment. I felt numb. I felt that the only emotions that I had were for Nate and Luc right now. However I felt this stronger connection to Nate at this point in time. I made sure that I left before Luc could see me and headed to the only place I could be at peace. Nate's grave.

I sat down in front of his headstone and talked. I just kept talking. about the little things. How I was doing and how everyone was coping and we all missed him. I told him that I was going to join him soon and that is exactly what I was planning to do that afternoon.

I took one pill, then another, then another, then another. I started to feel drowsy but I kept going. Then there was nothing. I was finally peaceful.