Stay With Me (boyXboy)

-11-

-1 year later-

*Nate*

I went back at the doctors because I was starting to feel tired a lot. The doctor immediately feared the worst and referred me to oncology. Needless to say I was shitting myself. I didn’t want this again. I didn’t know if I could fight it again. How was I going to tell my friends? I was going to try and fight this. For Jax and Luc.

I came home from the hospital with a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I would find out if it was back the next day. It took everything I had not to call Jax and Luc. I wanted them to support me and hold me when I was so down. But Luc’s dad decided to make them have a family day and since Jax lived with them now… that included him. But most of all I just didn’t want to worry them.

-next day-

I was woken up to the sound of my phone ringing. I glanced at the time. I had slept in far too late anyway. Then it struck me, that the very reason for that phone call could be the one telling me the cause of my fatigue, or that what I need to do if it’s not.

I sat up and answered my phone call, all I knew was that it was from the hospital. I didn’t know what it was regarding yet. I sat still on the edge of my bed as the woman on the other end of the phone explained everything. I didn’t move and inch. I was in too much shock to move. I was prepared for bad news but it still came as a shock. Finally she asked me if I had any questions and I shook my head, then realising that she couldn’t see me and uttered a near silent ‘no.’ We said our goodbyes and I hung up. It took a couple of minutes for everything to settle down, so I just sat there taking everything in, in silence.

Suddenly I felt this wave of energy mixed with anger and frustration. I threw my phone against my wall in a fit of rage. Screaming, throwing things, crying, all because I couldn’t understand what I had done to deserve this disease twice.

My mum came home shortly after the fit of rage broke out. She came up to my room. And she immediately understood. She threw her arms around me and sobbed with me.

Eventually I started to calm down and think rationally. I was back to that tired state again. But I was going to fight this… I needed to… for the men I love. I couldn’t let them down. I was going to fight and I was going to fight hard. Ultimately I knew that I couldn’t control the cancer and it would all depend on how aggressive it was. But at that point in time I was confident. My first appointment of Chemo was at the end of that week.  

-End of the week (after chemo)-

I forgot how draining it could be. I felt 10 times worse. And I just wanted to sleep, which is what I was doing when there was a knock at the door. I sluggishly answered the door. At the moment I looked worse for wear. But of course it was the two people I loved the most. I tried my best to smile. But that soon faded when I felt the need to throw up.

As my head was over the toilet, Jaxon and Lucas outside the shut door, I realised that I would have to tell then that the cancer was back. And I didn’t know how this was going to go. I was scared quite frankly.