Disconnected // 5SOS and Magcon

Part 17

I started this morning by waking up and feel so tired. It's 7 am now. I have to start this morning with something good, and probably new.

Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend - or a meaningful day.

But just don't think that Ashton, Michael and Luke are my old friends that passed away. They're not. And they're not going to be. But Calum... Ah I don't give a fuck about him.

Yesterday, I've got some big advice to listened. And I would keep listening to everyone that give me some advice like that. I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn, I must do it by listening.

I'm about to started my day with a good thing to do. And Calum called me.

"Hey" he said started the conversation.

"What do you want? Don't you get enough for ruining my life?"

"I know it feels wrong but I just want to tell you that I'm so sorry. I'm so stupid. Really really stupid. And I can't forgive myself as well. So if you were mad at me, its okay. I just want you to know that you're my homie. I can't lose my way home. And you're... (Y/F/N)... I love you. To the galaxy and back." He said. And that words, was made me speechless. I couldn't say anything. I don't know what to say. And I don't know. I just don't know.

"I....I.... I just can't talk about this. And I don't want to think about it anymore. It's enough to make me feel depressed. And stressed as well." I said. I hold up my tears.

"I'm sorry. But... I just can't thinking of you. I may had a girlfriend, but I wasn't feel the same. The feelings that I got for you." He said.

"You know what? You're the first person who broke my heart. For the rest of my life, you will always be the one who hurt me the most. Don't forget that." And I just shut the phone that time.

After I shut phone from Calum, the nurses came. They all look nice. And they bring some food for me. Today breakfast is chicken soup and a cup of tea. I eat them all. I'm so starving. Then my mom and dad came to see me.

"Hey sweetheart, did you feel better right now?" She asked me. My dad hugged me.

"I'm feeling better right now. What happen to me yesterday, mom?" I asked her. I seriously didn't remember why I fainted yesterday.

"Should we tell her now?" My dad asked. I'm confused. And my mom nodded.

"Well, (y/n). You have to take a rest. You can't do anything that makes you tired. You can't be tired. Because if you really tired, your nose will bleeding." My mom told me. She just look down and hold her tears.

"So that means I can't hang out with all my friends again?"

"You can, but... You can't hangout everyday like you did before." My dad answered.

"But mom... I don't want to miss out on the chance of having a good time with my friends!" I said to them. Yes I don't want to miss a moment with them. They all made me happy.

"(Y/n), I have told to all your friends to coming over you. To make you feel happy. But you can't go out too over."

"Well. Ok then.."

I took a shower. My nurse came to help me. After I finished took a shower, I put my hospital shirt. I have to sleep one more night here. Tomorrow I'll be home.

----

I'm feeling better now. Since that day, all I ever think is just letting him go. I want to kick him from my mind. But all of it need a process. You have to get over it and accept the truth. If I didn't love him, this never would have happened. But I did. And accepting that love and everything that followed it is part of letting it go.

I had to get over him. For months now, a stone had been sitting on my heart. I'd shed a lot of tears over him, lost a lot of sleep, eaten a lot of cake batter. Somehow, I had to move on. Life would be hell if I didn't shake loose from the grip he had on my heart. I most definitely didn't want to keep feeling this way, alone in a love affair meant for two. Even if he'd felt like The One. Even if I'd always thought we'd end up together. Even if he still had a choke chain on my heart.

Thank God I have Matthew Lee Espinosa. The precious gift I've ever had. Ever knew. I don't know why but I think I fell in love with him. But I don't want it go too fast. If I meant to be with him, then it would be happened. I can't say anything unless just let this feelings flow like a waterfall.

He make me can't sleep at night, he make me just thinking what I shouldn't think of. His eyes, which is brown, had met with my black Asian eyes. And it's the most beautiful moment when we got staring into each other eyes.

But if in the end we're end up together, how can I pass my life with this boy? Am I strong enough to accept the hates from his fans? What if they don't like me? What if I can't be perfect enough for him? What if our relationship would ruined by his fans?