16 Letters

 ONE

    How is it even possible to experience extreme grief and an overwhelming sense of pride and joy, at the exact same moment in time? I looked down at the tiny bundle of joy I held in my arms and marveled in God’s creation. Indeed, my baby girl was a beauty. She’s still curled up, fast asleep as I held her to my chest. I have yet to have the chance to meet her though I already knew what a pleasure it would be to know and love her for the rest of my life.

    Tears couldn’t help but well up in my eyes when I chose to look up from my precious baby girl, and there lying on the cold, steel surgical table was my wife. But right now, she wasn’t my wife anymore. She was just an empty vessel of a body that once used to be her.

    I tried choking back the tears that threatened to fall down my face and my body shook as I failed to do so, crying out loudly in my deep despair. I couldn’t help myself. I knew that Katie would be safe and happy with our Father in Heaven now, and I wasn’t crying because of her death but more because I missed her so much.

    We’ve known each other for a very, very long time and Katie was my childhood best friend. When no one else would be my friend, she sat beside me. When no one else would borrow me their crayons, she’d happily lend me hers. Katie was selfless, funny and beautiful, all of the traits which I hope and pray that our baby girl would have.

    In short, I knew that missing her would be what I could do best now. The worst part was that this wouldn’t be what Katie would have wanted from me. She would’ve loved to be remembered, but not grieved over. And so, I did the second best thing I could do for us.

    Amidst the pouring of tears and the letdown of heartbreak, I whispered my final I love you’s to Katie and kissed her gently goodbye on her forehead. Deep down I knew this wasn’t our final goodbye and that thought alone was comforting enough and suffice for me now.

    The medical staff stepped up to their duties of laying a crisp white sheet over Katie as I stepped out of the morgue into the bright hallways of the hospital. I looked at the baby girl whom Katie selflessly sacrificed her life for and I couldn’t help but smile as she lay quiet as a dove in my arms.

    “Hey, little one. It’s me, Dad” I whispered into my daughter’s ears, introducing myself for the very first time. She opened her gorgeous gray eyes and looked at me, a blissful look of peace etched across her tiny face. My baby girl gave a resounding joyful murmur, signifying life; signifying a new beginning.