16 Letters

16 Letters : Letter #15

 SIXTEEN

    I heard seven continuous rhythm-like knocks on the door and I knew it couldn’t be anyone else but him. “Honey, your date’s here!” I called out loudly as I walked from the kitchen toward the front door. I never thought this day would ever come. As a dad, I felt a little reluctant to let my daughter go. But as her friend, I’m cheering her on from the sidelines. Tonight was my daughter’s first date. I can’t help but feel a little jittery and excited for Haley. I wonder how she must have felt like.

    And then it happened. I always felt it cheesy in movies when a girl walks down the stairs and everyone is completely mesmerized by how beautiful she was. Only now, do I understand as I watch my daughter walk down the steps gracefully, exuding every bit the graceful ballerina she was. “How do I look?” Haley asked me, her face glowing with joy. Tears caught up in my eyes, voice choked deep in my throat; I could only nod gleefully in approval. Finally I found my voice and I told my fifteen year old this: “You look beautiful Haley”.

    I walked her to the door telling her not to come home past her curfew and to enjoy herself. “I will Dad” Haley told me. I opened the door and standing there on our front porch was Haley’s date – Noah. “Hey Dylan. Haley, you ready?” Noah was beaming from ear to ear and he honestly looked taken aback by how different Haley looked that night. She usually dressed casual around Noah but tonight she was in a beautiful white dress. “Yup” Haley said, walking away with him. “You look beautiful” Noah said. The rest of their conversation was inaudible as they got further and further away. Haley got into Noah’s car and they drove away into the night.

                                                               ***

    “Dad?” Haley’s voice was distraught and I could hear that she had been, and probably still is, crying. It was 1.11 in the morning, 11 minutes past Haley’s curfew. “Haley honey are you okay?” I asked anxiously. All I could hear was the sound of my heart pounding in my chest. “I’m okay Dad” came Haley’s delayed reply. “Where are you now?” I asked desperately. “I’m at the hospital” Haley said. “Where’s Noah, Haley?” I asked again, this time impatient, and my words were enunciated with fear and concern. “Dad, we got into an accident. The doctors, they tell me that Noah’s gone. Dad, what do I do?” Haley was clearly exasperated, exhausted and afraid. I was afraid too.

                                                                ***

    We sat side by side on the cold hospital floor in utter pin-drop silence. We were that way for a bit until Haley started crying all over again. “What really happened?” I finally found it within me to ask. “Noah lost control of the car. I don’t know why. It all happened so fast. I can’t lose Noah. What will I do without him? He’s my best friend. And I love him. I really love him. I can’t lose him. I can’t” Haley blurted out all her feelings to me. I pulled Haley close to me and held her in an embrace. Truth was, I can’t lose Noah either.

   Mike and Ally raced down the hospital hallways. They drove all 20 minutes in the cold weather to get here. “Tell me he’s okay Dylan. Tell me that please” Ally was in tears and she was desperate for an answer. But I didn’t have one for her. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that her son was going to be okay. I didn’t want to have to lie to her.

    This wasn’t Noah’s first grave injury. In fact, the first time Haley and I met Noah was 7 years ago when Noah was in hospital for a hit-and-run. It would kill me if we were to say goodbye to Noah in the exact same hospital in which we met him.

    Haley hugged Ally tight and they were both crying. Mike was seated on one of the chairs. He held his head in his hands and although I couldn’t see his face, I knew that he was crying too from the way his shoulders were heaving.

    The crisp coldness of the atmosphere was chilling. I watched the people I care about grieve over Noah, whom I loved immensely. The tears in my eyes blur my vision and I felt colossal pain and sorrow at that moment. “Family of Noah Choi?” a doctor’s voice asked all of a sudden, cutting through the silence. All of us looked up.

                                                           ***

 Dear Haley,

          You’re a beautiful and strong girl, inside and out. It’s a really as short and sweet as that, because honey, truths are always the simplest. I’ll always love you.

 Love, Mom.