16 Letters

16 Letters : Letter #1

TWO

    “I’m COMINGGGGG!” I yelled out loudly, directing most of my anger and frustration at that person knocking at my door. He wouldn’t take ‘wait just a second’ for an answer, repeatedly hitting at my door like some loony. In fact, his repetitive hitting kind of sounds like the faint drumming at the back of my head – the numbing headache that just wouldn’t go away even after I’ve had my morning dose of coffee.

    Finally I stopped mixing the pancake batter in the mixing bowl and dashed toward my front door. “Okay! I’m here! What?” I wanted to yell as politely as I could because I was having a really bad day already, and being polite felt like the last thing on my mind. But then I realized my baby girl Haley was watching me from the kitchen stool where she was seated, waiting for her morning breakfast. I wouldn’t ever want my daughter to act the way I was about to act. Never ever. Ever.

 And so.

    “Hi. Morning, can I-” I started, as I swung open the door rather cheerfully. Wait, there’s nobody there. “Dada!” Haley called my name, hitting her fork and spoon about gleefully. Drool was dripping down onto her bib but she doesn’t seem to mind, still looking as angelic and innocent as before.

    I shrugged and swung the door shut, mock running toward Haley and picking her up from her highchair. She screams and laughs as I twirl her around and around and around and then. I had to stop. My head was just killing me, and there goes the repetitive hitting at the door again. All of a sudden, the worst of thoughts flew to my mind.

Could it be an axe murderer?

Yeah. It could be! Wasn’t there an axe murderer who killed off half our neighbors just last month?

Oh wait. No. That was a movie.

   “COMING!” I called out, taking Haley with me this time as we went to answer the door. I bent down and let Haley turn the doorknob. After three tries, Haley successfully opens the door... to no one. Yet again. Haley looks at me, a look of confusion on her face and I knew she could read the exact same confusion written all over my face too.

   But this time Mr. Nobody left something behind, for there on the ground laid a letter. I picked it up and my hands were shaking and my mind was spinning and twirling and twisting. The envelope was addressed to me and Haley. And it was written neatly in Katie’s handwriting.  

   I swung the door shut for the second time that morning and took Haley inside. We sat down on the couch and Haley crawled onto my lap, obviously curious of what’s inside the envelope. So, with shaky fingers I tore open the envelope and poured out the contents.

   Katie had spoken about this before she passed on, so it shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise to me. We had prepared extensively for the possibility of her death. For the most part, she had me prepared to let her go.

   Katie had wanted us to have something to remember her by. I thought, what could be more appropriate than a string of letters? But still, having them in my hands to hold, felt strangely odd.

Well, the letter read:

Dear Dylan,

                    Please show Haley what joy is. You have brought indescribable joy into my life, and I need Haley to know what true joy really means to you. I’ll always love you both.

                                                                                                                                              Love, Katie.

    I read and reread the letter countless times. Joy to me was swinging in the autumn breeze and having the time of my life. Joy to me, was having my loved ones close to me.

                                                                                 ***

    I swung Haley on the swings and she laughed. Laughter was joy. We spent Haley’s first birthday at the park with pancakes, maple syrup, laughter and Katie. Well, I’m pretty sure Katie was there with us.