Thinking Of You

Hero

Should I tell her now?

.

.

.

For the past weeks it's the same question whenever I'm about to enter my house and I'd see Rose there, always quiet and sad even though she wouldn't actually admit that she was.

But I knew. Of course I did. It wasn't that hard to notice, you know.

I also knew that whenever I'd kiss her, she'd see Kanaya instead of me. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel sad that she does, but I just can't help but feel that it was my fault that she was here and had to endure her life without Kanaya.

Was it? I shook my head and opened the door.

I saw Rose staring at nothing which kind of worried me. Did she know? Did Dave tell her even though I specifically said I would? ...Jade? Naw, she understood why I didn't want to tell Rose yet. Maybe Karkat? Also a No, 'cause he didn't have access to Rose because she never used her laptop anymore. That's why he told me instead.

So I kissed her and led her to my bedroom so she could forget whatever she was thinking for a while. But I'm pretty sure it was Kanaya though, and wouldn't kissing her lead to think about her matesprit more? God, what to do. This was the second time I saw her cry this hard. The first one was six years ago. And then after that, she stayed silent and never did much. She seemed really hurt now. It was like she already knew Kanaya had died. But I figured she didn't yet.

I sat in my bed now. Alone. Rose slept in the next room because I know she isn't ready yet. Will she ever be? I didn't think so. I didn't know why I couldn't sleep though. I just sat there and stared at the wall, thinking about the game when I heard a noise from the other room.

…

What was that?

I didn't think I'd ever heard such a sad and pained sound before.

My body quickly stood up and had knocked at Rose's door. Then I saw her and I felt my eyes go wide. Possibly on the verge of exploding too. She was angry. I don't know why it seemed much scarier even though she couldn't be grimdark anymore.

Part of me wanted her to punch me since I deserved it, but the other thought that I was just trying not to make her even more sad so I didn't deserved to get punched in the face.

She pushed me away instead.

I would have stopped her, but I still wanted my face or my bones intact someday.

The house seemed even more quiet when she had slammed the door and left. I heard the sound of tires screeching forward as I reached for my phone and called Dave, telling him that Rose knew and that if he could please find her and talk to her.

I stared at the phone when he had agreed and hung up. My whole body knew that I should look for Rose, too. So I shrugged, got my bike outside, and pedaled away as I gambled my life's safety. (The danger is Rose, not exactly the road or it was still dark or anything.)

It could've been hours that passed by. Or at least a lot of minutes. Maybe because it was slower than a car (and Rose's was a freaking Vanquish, might I add), and because I didn't really want her to see me yet after what I did. But I reached the woods finally. I knew she'd be here. It was just a hunch, but it was a good kind of sure hunch. ...Hehehehe.

I got off my bike and walked forward anxiously, trying to find her.

“Please leave,” she said as soon as I saw her lying on the ground with her arms around herself.

“I'm sorry, Rose.” I stopped a few meters away from where she was.

“Do you even know why you're apologizing?”