Protection {Louis Tomlinson} // Book 1

Chapter 21: Moment, in time

Louis' POV

I arrived home from Harry's funeral.

after which, everything was silent between me and Dakota.

"I'm gonna go take a shower." i say.

she nods.

i go upstairs.

i turn on the water.

i strip, then step in the shower.

the hot water goes down my body.

there were so many things going through my head.

you could've saved him! it's your fault he died! your such a ass for letting him die like this! you should've died, not him!  evrything in your life is ruined! there will be no One Direction without Harry!  he should've got Dakota, then we wouldn't be in this mess!

all that was going through my head. 
 i knew it was all true though.                  it had to be.             it was.                 if he would've had Dakota we wouldn't be in this mess, but i was just being 'me' and i wouldn't let it happen.

sometimes i feel like Dakota would've chose Harry.... if it wasn't for me.

maybe she thought if she chose me that i would stop hurting Harry.

This is all my fault!

I put my face in my hand and bawl.

tears are streaming uncontrollably.

i put my other hand on the wall trying to keep balence.

I could've saved him!

***

i get out of the shower.

i put on sweat pants and a hoodie.

i go to pick up my pants i wore to the funeral and put them in the hamper.

i feel something inside the pocket.

oh yeah.

there was the note Niall gave me.

all it said on the front was,  Louis

I take a seat on my bed.

i slowely open the folded piece of paper.

Louis,

  I'm sorry that I have killed myself. i'm sorry to leave all of you with so much pain.  i know whenever someone kills themselves it just makes things worse for other people. and that's why I never answered your phone calls, I was to busy wondering if I should kill myself, I was to busy self harming.  but I had to. it wasn't just you.  the hate, it was to much, to much for me to handle.   I don't think anyone will care that i'm dead I was a asshole to you and the girls I slept with, you were right about everything you said before, that's one of the reasons I did it,  I just want to let you know I am sorry.  I don't know how much pain your in right now.   i wonder if you still hate me.  just know, I forgive you.