Beautiful Escape (Discontinued)

Part 16: A Beautiful Mess

Ian went back to the camp and saw the others preparing a bonfire.

"Ian, we'll set up a bonfire and prepare dinner. You can go with Shin and watch the sunset." Mr. Kim told him.

Ian searched Shin with his eyes. "Will that be okay?"

"It's what we came here for, right? Shin wants to see the sunset from up here. It's completely fine with me." Mr. Kim smiled and added, "And you wanted everything in Shin's favor."

"What's for dinner?"

They both turned to Shin behind them. She's with Jiyoung and both are looking at the bonfire.

"We have hanwoo meat and pork to be grilled. There's also hotdogs and lastly, mallows." Mr. Kim grinned.

Jiyoung chuckled. "Mallows is a must for bonfire."

Shin smiled. "Of course."

"Ian, go with Shin now. It'll be sunset soon." Mr. Kim turned to Ian.

"Yeah, you guys might miss it." Jiyoung added.

"Uhm, okay. Shin?" Ian turned to Shin.

Shin nodded. "We'll be back." Shin told Mr. Kim and Jiyoung.

Ian grabbed a flashlight and led Shin.

They started walking silently. It was awkward at first and both are stealing glances at each other. Then they both caught each others eyes and stopped. They both laughed and continued walking. The awkward silence became comfortable for both of them as they walk with a smile on their faces.

Ian felt the chill in the air and thought of holding Shin's hand. He slowly took Shin's right hand beside him without looking at her and held it. He didn't felt her resist so he decided to intertwine their hands. He smiled to himself when he felt her tightened her grip on his hand.

They reached the peak in no time and sat at the big rock again and waited for the sunset.

"Hey." Ian broke the silence.

Shin turned to him.

"You left me a while ago."

Shin smiled and turned to the horizon. "You were so busy staring at me."

Ian just stared at Shin.

There was a long silence. And there was tension.

"Ask." Shin suddenly said.

"What?" Ian was confused.

"Quit staring and ask me now. I know you have questions." Shin ordered him.

Questions came flooding in Ian's mind but he don't know what to ask first. He wasn't sure what to ask. And there it was again, the certain weight in her words... and he knew she is serious.

Shin turned to Ian when he didn't spoke after a minute.

Ian saw fear in Shin's eyes. There he knew she was having internal battle within herself.

He took a deep breath and spoke...

"I first saw you eight years ago at a corporate party, the 10th anniversary of Philippine Stagers Association. I was invited to sing that night and I saw you. You caught my attention the moment I saw you... and I started following your career. I watched all your shows here. And I started dreaming of sharing the stage with you. But then I had to focus on my career. It was a different path and I tried to forget you. I didn't succeed. I tried diverting my attention and my feeling to someone but I miserably failed. I was depressed and exhausted. I missed you. There I realized it wasn't simple... my feelings for you. I was in deep shit. I have fallen in love with you. I took a break and followed you again. You were in London already and you have succeeded in your career. I was contented with watching you shows and seeing you from a far. I would sneak to London whenever I had time. Call me crazy but it was all I could do to survive. I was in a mess because I have fallen for you but I couldn't approach you. I'd just send you flowers and watch you from a far then leave. I was contented with that."

Shin listened to Ian and didn't say anything.

"Then this trip happened. I was exhausted. I was tired. I wanted to get away from everything and find myself again. I left without a word. I needed time for myself to finally move on. I decided to finally let you go and I already started distancing myself from you again but then the most unexpected thing happened... I met you on my way here. After all the trips I made just to have a glimpse of you but never had the chance to meet you... I finally met you at the time when I decided to let go of my feelings for you. I don't know why it happened. I didn't plan it but it happened. And now you're here... I'm holding your hand and you are listening to me."

Ian took both Shin's hand and held them together.

"What I want you to know is I am serious and I love you. After all the years of trying to forget you and all the failed attempt of trying to do so, I want you to know that the past few days was the best days of my life because I spent them all with you. I feel lucky enough to be this close to you. But if you would let me, I want to be someone you can turn to and make you happy like the past days. I may have a lot of questions right now but I don't want to push you into answering me. I want you to comfortably open up to me and tell me your story. I know you're scared but I don't know why. I want to take away that fear but I don't know how. But if you will let me, I will do everything and anything I can just to make you smile."

Shin didn't realized the tear that escaped from her eye. Ian wiped it with his thumb and caressed Shin's face with his right hand while still holding her hand with his left.

"I have already fallen hard. I love you. My heart aches for you. But if you can't love me back then I'll understand. I'll respect you decision. I'll wait for you. And no matter what happens, I'll be here for you... always."

Ian looked at Shin lovingly. He wants her to feel his love. He has so much to say but words are not enough to express his feelings. He has nothing to lose now. He had to tell her. He owed her an explanation. Instead of asking her, he decided to tell her everything because he wants her to freely tell him everything.

"I'm sorry... I've been hurting you for a long time." Shin said still dumbfounded with what she heard.

"You did nothing, Shin. I did it to myself." Ian comforted her.

"You should have told me earlier. You should have approached me sooner."

"I couldn't. When it comes to you, I'm a coward." Ian looked down.

"And now?" Shin asked finally getting herself together.

"Now is different, you are here. I was a coward for not introducing myself to you before. But now that you're here, I am more afraid of losing you without putting up a fight and not trying to tell you. I can't live with what ifs anymore. And having you beside me alone gives me the courage to man up." Ian explained.

Shin avoided Ian's eye and looked down. "You made things hard, Ian. I am thankful to you but this is just so hard..."

Ian lifted Shin's head and made her look at him. "I want to ease things up. You said your life is complicated. I want you to tell me everything so I can help you make it less complicated."

"If only it was simple. I don't want to drag you into my messed up life and make it hard for you. I am a mess. I may look perfect outside but I'm a mess inside. I've been trying to find a way out but I couldn't." Shin said painfully.

"If you are a mess, then you are the most beautiful mess in the world. And I love you no matter who you are. I love everything about you... the good and the bad, messed up or not, it doesn't change anything. And I would gladly volunteer myself into your life if you would let me..." Ian said sincerely.

Ian looked at Shin with full of love. His emotions overtaking him. He lost control of himself and boldly man up slowly moving towards Shin and claimed her lips.

Ian realized what he did a little too late.