A Blue Sky Existence

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

Pause Awhile

 There she was. Even with villagers milling about between stalls across the sun-drenched green grass, it might as well have been just the two of them. No barriers, and therefore no reason for him not to move to her immediately.

    So why couldn’t Charlie bring himself to take the first steps forward? A spell hung in the air; if he shifted at all it would break, and Etty would leave.

    ‘Don’t move,’ he murmured as he found himself gradually drifting her way. Then he stood just behind her, close enough to distinguish each long strand of her honeyed hair from the next, drink in her perfume with notes of fresh lilac. Her legs were toned, slim and polished, starting from a pair of black three-quarter trousers.

   He didn’t even have to try speaking to know that Etty was oblivious to his presence, but when her small hands cupped around a vintage Kodak Instamatic 100, Charlie felt compelled to say something anyway.

    ‘Looks like the one I had when we were younger. Went through roll after roll of film during one summer, remember? You wouldn’t let me stop…’

   Charlie sighed. Why did Victoria bring him here, really? To have a one-sided conversation with a person who considered him to be, for all intents and purposes, out of existence? To brood on what he couldn’t have?

    ‘Come on Etty, you’re killing me here. I need someone, I need to talk to you.’

   No reaction. She turned the camera over in her hands, slowly, a few more times, as if she needed to form a composite image from all possible angles.

   ‘Always stubborn, you are,’ he sighed lightly. ‘Look, I know we didn’t part on the best of terms, but I also know you can’t have forgotten about me already, about the years we’ve clocked up together. Please…’

   He wasn’t sure anymore if he was talking to her or himself.

   ‘Remember.’

   It could have been a coincidence. It could have been explained away perfectly by a realist. But it was difficult for Charlie, at that moment, not to make meaning out of Etty’s movement, of her small change in standing, her head rising and her hands remaining still.

    As if she were following his instruction.

                                                                                             *

 July, 1987. A sunny afternoon in Southside. Two pairs of ankles bound through long, dry and scratchy meadow grass. The shutter of a Kodak camera sounds quickly, one two three times.

   ‘Ooh, let’s get one of me up this tree!’ says a thirteen-year old Etty, reaching the base of a twisting, climbable trunk. Her fingers grip onto the knots of bark as she clambers up in her sandals. There’s a mild breeze, and it ripples over her denim summer dress, fluttering the yellow sash around her waist.

    ‘Well,’ she says, looking back. ‘Aren’t you coming?’

   ‘Oh, I don’t know Etty,’ says a smaller and lankier Charlie, both hands protectively around his Kodak, which is strapped around his neck. ‘I don’t want it to get broken.’

    She pouts, one arm hanging lazily by her side.

    ‘Please?’

    ‘I want to, but I can’t - it’s brand new. I’ll be dead if I get even one scratch on the lens.’

    ‘Suit yourself.’

   Etty climbs a little higher, until the branches became too thin to support her. She scoots along the tree, smiling down at Charlie.

    ‘Wonderful, wonderful, dahling!’ he calls up the tree, snapping shots of his muse.

    ‘Make sure you get my good side - these have to be posted to Vogue by six.’

    ‘Of course, of course, dahling. And then we’ll have drinks to celebrate.’

    She giggles, and in so doing loses her balance on the branch. With a squeak she tumbles back down into the grass, which cushions her fall. Charlie stops laughing for a second, but begins again, louder, when she sits up, unbruised and in hysterics.

    ‘Hm, that was not so graceful, dahling.’

    ‘Oh, shush!’ Etty laughs, as she thrusts her arm forward, ensnares Charlie’s, and pulls him down to join her.

    ‘Whoa, careful! The camera, the camera -’

    ‘The camera’s fine, Charlie. Look at me.’

    He does, first with his eyes, and then through the camera lens. Etty props her head up on her skinny elbow, hair tousled, and gives an extra-wide smile.

    ‘Okay, now you.’

    ‘Alright then.’

    Shifting onto his back, Charlie holds the camera at arms-length from his face with one hand. He uses the index finger and thumb of the other to point underneath his jaw, and pulls a thinking face.

    ‘Ooh, how sophisticated.’

    ‘Sophisticated? Me? Yeah right.’

    ‘No, really,’ says Etty, moving closer to him in the grass. ‘Now let’s have one together.’

    ‘Sure. Silly or serious?’

    ‘I don’t know, just…us.’

    Charlie shrugs, but obliges. He stays facing up while Etty lays one arm over his chest and rests her chin on his collarbone. They smile as the shutter clicks.

                                                                                               *

 Charlie moved to Etty’s side. He wanted to see her face.

   It was just as it was on the evening he last saw her: sad. Everything about her expression, even the tiny smile that tugged the corners of her mouth, spoke of sadness. He wanted to reach out and erase it.

    ‘Etty. We have to get home for lunch.’

    Her parents’ call knocked her out of her melancholy trance, and she reluctantly set down the camera. Her fingers lingered on its metal shell for a second, blue eyes lifting to look out beyond the car-boot sale.

    ‘Oh, Charlie,’ she muttered. His heart froze. ‘Where are you now?’

    Then she walked away.

    He stood still as the rest of the world began turning again, processing her words, before eventually making his way back to the Room.

    After stepping over the threshold, the first thing in Charlie’s line of sight was Victoria and James. Kissing.