Perception

Dirty Little Secret (3)

Let's just pretend that Robert Pattinson is 18 here... This is what I imagine him to look like throughout the book except in nicer clothes lol. 😍

(Jake Patterson is now Aaron Miller )

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"Your late Ms. Binoché." The jealous, ugly thing says with a scolding tone.

"No shit," I roll my eyes and walk past her and into the elevator. Even the fucking elevator is pimped out. Who the fuck puts a gigantic chandelier smack in the middle of an already dazzling elevator? Like relax buddy, we get it, your rich. I always hated elevators, but not this one; it's too big to get claustrophobic in. I don't want to see Aaron, but at the same time I really fucking do. What do I say to him? My thoughts are cut short as the elevator dings and comes to an abrupt halt; large doors slide open as an annoyingly mushy couple come skipping in. I debate staying in the elevator with the lovebirds and just skip seeing Aaron, but am stopped at the sight of his door swinging open and the loud huff emitting from his bare chest. He's pissed, great.

"Hi," I say awkwardly as I make my way into his large home. I inhale the familiar vanilla scent of his apartment and am immediately pulled into a placid memory of us laying around on his carpeted floor, by the fireplace, sipping hot chocolate during winters coldest nights. It looks the same, the colors of the walls are still a deep olive green with white and brown molding around the perimeter of the apartment. The dark beige on his couches still bringing comfort and coziness into the home that I once called ours. The unnecessarily large T.V still hangs haughtily from the same wall. And the grand dining table still stands in the same place it always has. So why is this so different? Why is the air between us, right now, so cold?

"Your late," he rolls his eyes.

"And your shirts off." I smirk and send a wink his way. Good, be flirty and normal with him. I knew the dude for like ever, why the fuck should I start acting weird around him now?

"I have been waiting for over an hour." He grumbles and walks up behind me. "I missed you," he says quietly.

"My parents made me take Tim to school." I explain as his strong arms wrap around my waist. I feel his nose push into the crook of my neck, and I can't help but shiver as he plants a gentile kiss right where he knows I like it best.

"We have to be in class too, in 20 minutes actually." He says looking down at his solid gold Rolex.

"We can do a lot in 20 minutes," I say suggestively and turn to face him with a smirk.

"We were suppose to talk," he mumbles against my neck.

"We can talk over lunch," I say with a shrug to play it off, but I know that this is a bad idea, a very bad idea.

"We are skipping first hour." He smirks  and I silently nod in agreement. Our hands are frantic as we begin to fully undress each other. His tall, lean frame molds into mine and I am once again lost in his world. His arms move to lift me up as I expertly wrap my legs around his torso.

"I want to say I love you," he says against my lips and backs me into the adjacent wall.

"Please don't." I whimper, pain flashes in his eyes and I turn to look away.

"Close your eyes. I cant look at them right now."

"Adeline, look into my soul. I'm allowing you to." His hand wraps itself behind my neck to tug me forward, forcing my eyes to bore into his. "See the love I have for you."

"Please close them," I whimper. It is not fair that he can do this to me, and it is not fair that I cant fully have him. His eyes close as tears begin to fill in mine. His strong hands hold me in place as he slowly enters me.

"I missed you." He says against my lips and I  wrap my arms around his neck to hold him to me tightly.

"I'm sorry," I say. His thrusts are slow, but deep and strong. There has been a wall between us for so long, my best friend, my everything has shut me out the same way I did him. With every powerful thrust he takes into me, he cracks that wall. I want him to break it. I want him to damage that wall so much that it could never be rebuilt. I want my life back. My fingers lace through his hair as I press my lips onto his harshly. We are a mess, but I love him and he loves me. I wish that was enough, but it never is.
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"Adeline, you awake?" He asks and I resist the urge to pretend I had fallen asleep. I know we have to have 'the talk,' but ugh I really don't feel like talking about him fucking other guys and loving me after having such a groundbreaking orgasm.

"Yep."

"We have to talk about this eventually," He mumbles.

"Unfortunately," I sigh and turn to face him.

"I'm gay," He states with cold eyes.

"I know." I say trying to choke down a scream.

"But, I love you." He adds to try and soften the blow. Yeah, thanks for that luv, real fuckin help.

I sigh and slide my hands onto his cheeks. "No Aaron, you don't. You feel bad about dating your best friend, making her fall in love with you, and then explaining to her that you've been gay all along." I say matter of factly. "You love me as a best friend should, and maybe you are attracted to me, but that doesn't mean that you are in love with me."

"What if I'm just bi?"

"That's a strong possibility. But I won't be waiting around to find out. I want to be in love with someone who will love me back."

"I'm so sorry Adeline. I never meant for this to happen." He whispers and traces the side of my face with the tips of his fingers.

"I know," I sigh and move further into his arms. I know I should hate him, any normal person would, but I can't, I could never in a million years hate Aaron Miller, he's just too good a person.

"You have to tell your parents." He's 18 years old, is an excellent student and athlete that has colleges lining up to give him everything they have to offer. He's a good person that loves too hard and does too much for people that don't deserve it. He cares too much about what shitty people think of him, including his own parents and he is gay. He is gay. The love of my life is gay. The boy that gave me flowers when we were in the third grade for Valentine's Day is gay. My first kiss, the man I thought I gave my virginity to; had always just been a very confused boy.

"I can't."

"Oh come on, you know they will love you no matter what."

"They will love me because they feel obligated to, not because they want to. They won't look at me the same."

"That's not true."

"They love me now because I'm the perfect child. I do well in school, I'm popular, don't do drugs, I'm respectf-"

"Your also gay," I snap. "Don't pretend it's not there, and don't pretend it's a flaw." I bark and sit up from the bed. I get that it's a big deal, but come on, why can't he see that the world is changing? It's becoming so much more loving and accepting, why can't he see that he has a real shot at being happy?

He gave me a weak smile and kissed my forehead. "Thank you for not hating me," he whispered and my heart broke. His eyes fell into mine and I knew I would never love anyone else like I love him. I am deeply in love with my gay best friend, and it absolutely sucks.