Mine and Skylar's bestfriend Josie does not know of her depression issues, So when she asked why she went to the office I explained it to her in the best way I could.
"You see that girl? She looks so happy, right? Telling jokes, Smiling, having a great time and....... Dying inside. She' hurt. And tired. Tired of all the drama,tired of not being good enough, tired of life. But she she doesn't want to look dramatic, weak and attention seeking. So she keeps it all inside. Acts like everything's perfect but cries at night. So everybody thinks that she's the happiest person they know. That she has no problems and her life is perfect If only they knew the truth."
Josie with her jaw dropped just looked at me with amazement and Skylar walked into the room with a bright red face, like she was hit in the face with a firetruck and all the paint came off on her face. Everyone is staring at her, when she makes it over here she just breaks down and me and Josie just embrace her into a hug, everybody is staring and Mr.Jones excuses her to the restroom to clean up and I follow no matter what he says. She is my best friend and not let her go through this alone she needs someone to be there for her.
She wonders why I didn't want to talk about I didn't even make it out of the office before I started tearing up. I am guessing that Annabelle told Josie and it looked like she was going to start crying along with me. Now in the bathroom I noticed that Annabelle followed me. I already had my razor out and she literally had to rip it out of my and set it down and then sat down on the school's bathroom floor with me and let me ball my eyes out into her Fox Racing hoodie. When we got back to I had put my earbuds in and nobody said word to me until the bell rang when Chase tried to tell me that I would get in trouble for listening to music in class. Annabelle elbows him in his side and tells him to shut up before I have another break down and explains the important stuff to him on the to class and Skylar and I went into Social Studies.
Mr.Lytle didn't even question me as to why I had my earbuds in I guess he already got an email to excuse me from all class work. I just got that worry look that all the teachers are going to give me all day. I hate when people make jokes about people cutting, suicide or eating disorders because you don't know what the people around you are going through, It hurts. At least all of my teachers are smart enough not to ask any questions. I sit in class as I get occasional glances from people. I ignore most of them and it helps that Evanescence "bring me to life" blasting in my eardrums.
About half way through the class period the office calls for me telling me that I have an early release, of course they called my dad why wouldn't they just have to make my day ten times worse than it already was bad. Turns out I have a psychologist appointment today and they did not call my dad which I am glad about the only people who know are my psychologist Dr.Barbara Hardin, Annabelle, and now Josie. But that is okay with me, I don't want to seem like I am doing this for attention I want to live a normal life even though nothing is normal about my life.
When we made it to Dr.Hardin's office my dad left me in the waiting room so he could go get food, he didn't want to make me late for my appointment. She brought me in before he got back so I went in hungry,Her office calms me makes me feel at home.... Unlike the office at school. At school it feels like I am looked in a prison and I have to answer questions correctly to even get out for the rest of one day and the I have to go back and do it all the next day. Here in this way too familiar office I feel like if I become too uncomfortable I can just get up and leave, but I haven't felt that way about this place.
She started out by offering me cookies, which I turned down my dad is bringing food that I will not eat all of I am too fat to eat a whole lot of food.
" Now tell me Skylar why don't you tell me about the incident that your school told me about. I seemed like a real horror." Of course this is what she started out with.
" Nothing the picture guy asked me to smile and all I told him that the only way he would get a real smile out of me is to cut me ear to ear." simple answer
" Ok what about what you told you Guidance Counselor. Let me see your wrists Skylar" Great she also told her that why wouldn't she so I did what anyone who cuts would do. I pulled up my sleeves with older cuts on them ones that have already healed.
" Okay, okay now let me see your other wrist." Great I have open wounds on that one. I pull up my sleeve and look down at the ground and start to tear up , like a dam just got a crack in it and water was leaking out furiously.
" Skylar hunny what is going on the only time you had this many was the week your father was kidnapped."
After she said that there was a knock at the door, and I quickly pulled down my sleeves knowing it was my dad with the food.
