After my appointment I ran into my bedroom closed and locked my door and just layed in bed crying and for the rest of the day just ignored everyone. Annabelle left me ten voice mails and twenty-two text messages and I ignored them all. My father came up at one point to ask me if I wanted dinner but I just turned him down and you could hear my disappointment in my voice.
I slept on the day I had just had, the horror with the picture man and the Guidance Counselor and then the cherry on top was the whole ordeal with the psychiatrist i was just a horrible day. I finally dozed off at about midnight and I just started having a really strange dream.
I was back in school dressed in the picture stand, the picture man was standing in front of me getting closer and closer with my razor blade saying "smile for the camera." coming closer and closer as my words from the day was echoing in my mind. " I may look happy but honestly dear the only way I'll really smile is if you cut me ear to ear." I am shaking and cowering in the corner and right before he touches me with the razor I am in the guidance counselor's office and I am bawling my eyes out and talking about everything. My problems and my worries and even my worse fears, I just keep trying to stop but I can't and right before I show her my arms and sides I change where I am again and this time I am in my psychologist's office and I have my sleeves up and my dad walks in with the food and this time I don't pull down my sleeves and he sees them and starts yelling at me and smacking me then when he pushed me on to the ground I woke up on the floor.
I was not only on my floor I was drenched in tears and sweat. I was crying after all that crying I did today I honestly did not think I was capable to cry that much. I am startled by my alarm clock going off to tell me to get in the shower. I click snooze and look at the date. Saturday, October 25, 2013. Most people say thank god it's friday no Thank god it's Saturday.
I get myself up and call Annabelle, she of course does not answer so I just leave her a voice mail and I hated how you could tell I was crying.
" Belle please for the love of god call me back I need to talk to you."
She should call me back within the hour so and if not I will blow up her phone like a nuclear bomb. I feel disgusting so I jump into the shower, turning up my music so I can wake my dad up because I may not have school but he has work so I turn up the song that describes the way I feel right now will be easy because I feel this way more often than you would think. I start blaring I will not bow by breaking benjamin which just so happens to be my dad's least favorite song so I hear his bathroom door slam closed almost immediately.
Knowing my dad is in the shower is a good sign that he cannot hear me so I punch the wall and say some very colorful words. Most of my shower was me laying on the ground and crying my eyes out. By the time I got out of the shower steam was leaking out behind me like I was running onto a football field at the beginning of a game.
I feel comfort when I slip into my skinny jeans, converses and a hoodie. My dad is in the kitchen cooking me breakfast so I just sit at the kitchen table and wait for him to talk to me.
"Why did you have to play that horrible song first?" he asks this question every time. So I just laugh and shake my head.
" Because I wanted to, why did you slam your bathroom when you should be used to this song?" he just stared at the pancakes.
"Fine you win this one but I swear I will win the next one."
Officially winning this I smile and look at my phone to see if I have a missed call or something like that. Annabelle called me about three time while I was in the shower. I get up with my fresh pancakes and walk to my bedroom to call her. She answers on the first ring.
"Why didn't you answer me yesterday and then leave me a message crying, who do I have to kill." she screams into my ear.
"Sorry I was a little busy crying my eyes out and ignoring everything else in the world." I say back.
"Oh yea psychologist appointment was yesterday I forgot sorry." A little bit of worry still left in her voice.
"It was fine is there any chance I can come to your house today in like an hour?"
"No my mom is sick and in a bad mood so I would suggest not coming to my house but maybe I can text Chase and see if him and Levi want to hang out at his house."
"Yea ok that would be fine. I really need to stay at someone's house tonight though."
"Okay I will see if we all can stay there it wouldn't be the first time this happened."
"Okay i'll pack a bag have Chase pick me and you up I am not in the mood to walk three miles to his house."
"Yep bye."
"Bye Belle."
I walk down stairs to ask my dad if I could go but there was a note on the counter and he was nowhere to be found. The note read.
Dear Skylar,
I have already left for work, don't get into any trouble today ( Like that will happen) and before you call me while I am driving. You have a big mouth and yes you can go to Chase's for tonight. Be safe, if you have to use his daddy's guns.
Byeeeee, Dad
I smiled and laughed at my dad's note and dashed up the stairs to pack. I packed my pocket knife for safety ( I wouldn't cut with it because it is too unsanitary), Shorts and my dad's old long sleeved army shirt to sleep in, my make-up bag, my razor( Yes my razor I use to cut myself), skinny jeans, a black tank-top and my black Logan Elm hoodie.
