Itanife: The Book Of Ifa (Orisha Chronicles) #NaNo2015Winner

Untitled Part 16

                                                   The eye never forgets what the heart has seen.

                                                                                                   African proverb.

Sheni tells the Elokos we have to stop and rest. I do not want to spend any more time than I need to in this forrest but the thought of moving, walking, feels impossible to me at the moment.

The Elokos have created a quick camp, there's a fire going and something is cooking in a pan over it. The idea of eating, doing something so normal feels alien to me right now. I feel as if the world has shifted its axis and I am about to fall into the abyss. My mind is spinning in a million different ways and I don't know how to stop it so I can think straight.

I don't know. I don't know.

I sit against a large rock away from the others. After my question to Sheni there seems to be an unspoken agreement between the others to give me some time on my own. Even Abi sits in the midst of the Elokos chatting and admiring their treasure which they are only too happy to show off. From time to time she looks over to me with worry etched on her face, but I smile in what I hope is a reassuring way. I want to talk to her about what I saw. But it feels so raw still. And I feel as if a part of me knows when I talk about it, I am admitting that it is true. I don't feel ready for that. I don't feel ready for any of this.

Sheni walks over to me. He stands in front of me with his hands half in his pockets. I remember just yesterday, was it even yesterday? Watching him standing just how he is now. Wanting him. Hating him for ignoring me. Still wanting him. I want to go back. To him just ignoring me again. With him out of my life maybe all this would disappear.

"Tell me why I am here". I say. It is a simple request. And it is not. It encompasses everything. The who, the what, the why. He understands because he gives a quick nod and moves to sit next to me, long legs stretched out. If I moved a centimetre, our shoulders would touch.

For once I feel nothing with him so close and I almost wish we could go back to when the biggest worry I had was counting the distance between us whenever he was near me. Because then I was just a girl who had a crush on her childhood friend. Now I am....what? I do not know.

I am someone who has memories of being other people. I am someone who dreams of another life. Nothing is as it should be. Nothing makes sense to me. The only constant is the boy next to me. And I have to remind myself he is not a boy. He is an Abiku. Something supernatural. A being I have grown up hearing stories about. A monster who comes into a family and creates havoc and destruction then steals away like a thief leaving behind only pain and disappointment. And I have a history with him. So what does that make me?

"Am I also....Abiku?" I almost choke on the word. Sheni doesn't miss my reaction.

"No". I close my eyes in relief, but it is short-lived. "I used to think you were...before" He tells me softly.

"Before?". I'm impatient and want him to exonerate me from whatever this is.

"In our lives before". It is the first time he is actually confirming that my visions are real. I want to run away with my hands over my ears. But I force myself to listen. I press my fingers into my palm. Making half moon indentations which cause pain. I welcome the pain because it reminds me that this is real and not a nightmare I will wake up from. I need constant reminders.

"In the beginning I thought we were the same. Some Abikus travel together. Thats what we call it...travelling". He turns to me and gives me a small smile. I don't return it. "But in this life things changed. You didn't die. You always died before me. That in itself was strange." He stops as if waiting for me to say something but my throat is full of cotton and there are no words to speak. " Do you remember when we were thirteen and I got sick?" He suddenly asks.

I nod numbly. It was after that, that we stopped being friends. This is important somehow but I can't get myself to think about it. I am barely holding on as it is.

"I died". He says. This jerks me out of my stupor and I turn to him. He is looking hard at me and I can't look away.

"Not for long, my heart stopped for a few minutes. Clinically I was considered dead. When it started again, the doctors were all shocked. Everyone thought it was a miracle"

"But it wasn't". I am not asking him. I know already.

"It wasn't". He replies. "I came back here. But they told me I couldn't stay. I had to come back to you." Now he turns away from me. And I wonder if he was unhappy that he had to return. "They told me I had to stay with you. I was your companion. Your guide"

"I don't understand. Why? Why would I need a companion if I am not Abiku?". He is quiet and I think he won't answer me. But he does. And what he tells me is so beyond my wildest imaginations, its so extraordinary that I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I don't know anything anymore.

"Because you are so much more than an Abiku...You are an Orisha. You are the daughter of Shango and Oshun".