Her

1

Before and after I knew, from the moment I said it, I couldn't go through with it.

She sits all alone at a deserted table in the cafeteria. I know I should go over there but I don't know what I would say. So I sit and watch her tear her life apart.

She has been a close friend of mine for years but she always shuts me out when things get bad. I thought if I showed her my problems that she would understand and let me help her. But I was wrong. I told her almost everything about me. She was depressed and allowed the voices in her head to control her. I told her it would be alright. I told her she could make it. She didn't want to listen. I figured she needed some time away from people like herself so I stepped away and left her alone. She found new friends but none of them seemed to care as much as I did. They would leave her alone all by herself and didn't even think twice about what could happen. I tried to push my way back in but she was guarded more fiercely than before.

Her deep brown eyes looked hollow as I made my way over to her. The noise of the cafeteria was drowned my footsteps as I walked. I came up behind her, and wrapped my arms around her. She looked up at me. I could see a light in her eyes, it faded as I sat down. "What are you doing?" I asked. I tilted my head and gave her that sideways glance that would always make her smile. She didn't smile. "I'm sitting here alone." She said as she took a deep breath and tugged at the end of her sleeves. I know she had done it again. The marks on her skin would never cease, once they would start to fade, she would replace them. I decided not to say anything about it now. "Well how about I sit alone with you?" She turned her head and looked me right in the eye, she said, "The point of me being alone is to be alone." I was taken aback. She never had said she didn't want me around before. "I will never leave you alone."

I look at her with the most intense look I can muster. She stares at me for a minute. She furrows in her eyebrows and gives me a questioning look. Then the chair moves beside me and Nicole sits down. Nicole doesn't understand what is happening. She hasn't ever had these problems before. She says depression is just an excuse for attention. I haven't shared any of my problems with her. I glance over at Her, and she is busy talking to our friend Katie. I don't think Katie has first hand experience about our problems but she is still better than Nicole. After a while of staring at Her, she meets my gaze and stares at me with tired eyes. I understand why she didn't want me to come over. Wherever I go I am followed by my friends. It's hard to be alone when people keep coming. I stand and motion for Nicole and Katie to come and throw their trash away. We walk across the room then Katie heads back over toward Her. Nicole and I follow, against my better judgment. Then we were dismissed. Nobody seems to have noticed that I nor Her have ate anything these past few weeks.