Her

7

I don't even remember going to my bed. But when I wake the room is as dark as night. I get up and stumble to find the light switch. I slide my hand against the wall until I find it. I flip the switch and suddenly realize I am not home. I am still 'in between.' Wherever in the hell that is. I move over to the closet and it's changed. It is now lined with pink and purple flannels and sparkling ballet flats. "Fuck this shit! I'm not wearing that!" I throw open the door once more and it hits the wall. "ANNEBETH!" I scream out. "Why good morning to you too." Annebeth says. She sits at a white circle table, drinking something that looks like fruit punch. "What the fuck is wrong with my closet?!" I storm over to her and gesture towards my clothing. "Do I look like someone who would wear that shit?!" "Well, you certainly aren't a ray of sunshine are you? You're apparel changed to fit my needs." "Why your needs?! You're not the one who has to walk around looking like a ditz from the 1970's!" Annebeth sighs and looks at me. "I'm taking you somewhere. I suggest you change. If you don't you may regret it." She folds her hands in her lap and waits for my decision. "No. I'm not changing. You can deal with it." I put my hands on my hips just to show how much I will stand my ground. "Well then. Let's go." She stands up walks out the door. I grab my Chuck Taylors and walk out behind her.

She leads me to the river and holds out her hands. I look at her questioningly. "Whatcha doin' there?" I ask. She rolls her eyes and says, "Give me your hands." I take a step back. "Why?" I ask. She sighs with annoyance. "Because I said so. Give me your hands now." I give in and place my hands in hers. Her hands are freezing but I do not pull back. "Now," She says, "Think of a person you would like to see." I'm perplexed for a minute. "Who do I want to see.." I think. Then I nodded towards Annebeth. "Got them?" She asked. I nodded again. "Okay. Now, Think of anything and everything you can about this person. It might help if you slow your heart rate and close your eyes." I nod once more and close my eyes. I think of her big brown eyes, and the scars on her wrists. I think of her fake smile and her fake laugh. I imagine what she used to be. Happy and proud. Taking on the world thinking nothing could stop Her. I felt Annebeth's hands leave my own and I open my eyes. We were standing at Her house. I haven't been here since second grade. I look at the towering oak and maple trees. The black pavement beneath me was cold in the fall air. Orange and red leaves dance as they fall to the ground. Her two story house was dark. "I don't think anyone is home." I told Annebeth. "That's the point." She replied. She took a step forward and then said, "You and me cannot be seen. We cannot feel or touch anything." She walks over to a tree and places her hand on it. Her hand sunk through as if the tree weren't even there. "They can't see us?" I ask. Annebeth shakes her head. "They can't hear us either." "We are like ghosts!" I say. Annebeth shakes her head. "Ghosts aren't real. Guardians are real." I was confused. Annebeth explains. "When people are close to death, they start to see guardians. Everyone has a guardian as I have said before. Sometimes us guardians like to roam the streets once more. Your people call us ghosts when they see us. Then they die." I draw a sharp breath in. "You said 'once more'. Does that mean that you were alive once too?" Annebeth sighs and looks away from me. "I'm not supposed to tell you this. Not this early. But I think you can handle it." I start to get worried. "Okay.." She coughs and then speaks. "Guardians are versions of the human person. I am a version of you. I am your thoughts. The little voice inside your head telling you right from wrong. I grow as you do so I may not always be right but I am there. When you die, I am the part of you that lives on forever." I stop and stare I think, "She was the voice inside my head. Telling me to do all of those things to myself. She was the voice I have heard since I was a child. She made me do it. I take a few deep breaths and try not to get too worked up. "It couldn't have been her anyway. No. No way. She's too nice. She wouldn't do that to me." Then a thought struck me. "If you're here.. How can I still think? If you're the voice inside my head, and you're not in my head. How can I think right now?" "No no no. I said I was part of you. There is still the other part. The one that dies. I am just the permanent part." I nod my head as if I completely understand. "Shall we go?" She asks. I take a step forward and we start to walk towards Her house.