forgive me || dean ambrose story

day twelve-

Roman Reigns-

It's midday, we had an interview this morning but I made Seth cancel. The way I found my best friend last night felt like nothing – it happens so often now that both myself and Seth would be stupid to think it was something. But this was different, last night he was worse than I've ever seen, than Seth has ever seen.

He was almost unresponsive. This was something. I'm not quite sure what right now, whether it's just the beginning of something a whole lot worse or if that was the end.

Was that the final straw for Dean?

As he lays there sleeping away the reminiscence of last night and the sorrow he feels in his heart, I know he's in pain. So much pain.

You'd think it'd get better as its two years on possibly even more. But for Dean I know it gets worse – so much worse. Each day passes and he seems to cover it up with this tough guy facade but I know it kills him.

There's nothing I can do. Nor Seth.

Each time we try to help him talk through it, he just closes off. I understand it's painful for him, believe me Michaela was our friend too.

Sometimes I can't help but feel so useless. To the point where I feel like a bad person. Because he's there suffering, wracking his brain for answers that are never going to be there and I'm just. . me.

Seth's just Seth.

And Nikki is just Nikki.

To Dean nobody has any compassion for him, his humanity is small now a days but I know something of an acceptation, accept every time he finds that he pushes it away all the more. I don't want him to be alone forever, I know Seth doesn't either.

But I see no other option for him if he keeps drinking himself into oblivion, thinking of the past and holding himself back from a future he deserves.

He deserves to be happy in so many ways, he's not a bad person. . he's just damaged goods.

His chest rises and falls as the pillow is held tightly at his side, his snores evident and I sigh to myself. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm at my last end.

I feel like I'm loosing one of my brothers to the past, something that can never be again. An I need him back. . I-I need him back at my side and fighting another day.

The attempts to silence my boots on the flooring goes unnoticed as Seth sticks his head round the door to Dean's room, he nods at me and I mimic his actions not feeling need to say anymore.

I head to the bathroom, finding the clear glass on the shelf I don't hesitate filling it up with the water from the tap.

When I return to Dean's room I see Seth sat on the end of the bed, staring down at the floor with his head in his hands.

"Why does it have to be like this man?" He sighed painfully as I held the glass in my hands, standing beside Dean's bed. "He causes himself so much pain, and for what reason? To push people away? To be stubborn? . . . I can't see him this way for much longer, not anymore."

"I know." I say swishing the water around the glass with a sigh.

Without hesitation I tilt the cup and the cool water spills out onto Dean's face, he begins to stir slowly and Seth stands to his feet beside me.

"Get up, shower and meet us in the lounge in half an hour, we need to talk." I state throwing the empty glass on the bed beside my friend as I leave the room without another word.