Just Friends. (A falling in love with my best friend story)

Chapter 18: You'll see.

      Parker's POV:

I stood there, dumbstruck. Genna has been more confusing than ever these days, but this was just nuts. After her therapy session, she had just shut herself up in her room, not talking at all. I called her in to check on her, but I thought she was going to tell me what really happened over the summer. I knew something else had happened other than her mother's death. But....I didn't expect her to say that she had...feelings for me.

I'm not gonna say this was a completely new idea to me, because it wasn't. I actually did have a crush on her like, freshman year. But then I realized the odds of that ever happening weren't very good. It would be extremely awkward because we knew each other so well. 

Wouldn't it?

        Genna's POV:

I shouldn't have done this right after the weekend was over. Because if I had done it, say on Friday, then I could just hide in my room all weekend. But there was no way Mary was going to let me miss school to hide from Parker.

The next morning, I got up extra early so I could shower and get ready by myself. See, the awkward thing was that mine and Parker's bathrooms and bedrooms were all connected by doors. It went my room, my bathroom, then Parker's bathroom, then his bedroom. With all four doors open, you could literally walk from my room to his room without going into the hall once.

I knew I was being stupid and would have to talk to him eventually, but what would I say? Would I just ignore it like it never happened? My therapy session was every Monday afternoon, and yesterday was Monday, apart of a glorious three-day weekend. But now I'd have to wait a whole other week before I could ask these questions to Dr. Bowman. 

As I sat on the floor of my shower to shave my legs, since I had extra time, I couldn't stop thinking about it. My music blasted from outside the shower, knowing Mary and Wes were completely deaf to it upstairs and Parker slept through anything. Including Ed Sheeran.

How would my mom handle this? God, I've never wanted her more now. It's not as if I could talk to Dr. Bowman about Parker this way. That'd be creepy. And I didn't know Chelsea or Carter well enough to dump this on them. I was more alone now than ever. I had no one to tell my feelings to, no one would understand. Nothing about how angry I was at dad, and for the first time, how angry I was at mom. She left me, without warning. Without any preparation for all this. For what would happen to me. Not all the sleep-over talks in the world could've prepared me for all that I was facing now.

        I grabbed my head to stop all the voices in my head, that sometimes occured. No I didn't have schizo, but they came. I yelled in frustration, my yell drowned by the water and blasting music.

I grabbed my razor from the shower floor, that I was using to shave, and slashed my arm. It's been forever since my relapse when Parker found me in the storm, but everything was just building up so fast.

I relaxed and finally felt controlled again, and I watched in a haze as the blood mixed with the soap and the water down the drain. I sat there for a few minutes and I heard stumbling around in the bathroom next door, which meant Parker was awake. Well...a third or so awake. 

I seemed to be dizzy as a dodo myself; because I had to stumble around, hanging onto the walls for dear life so I wouldn't slip and break something. I finished showering and turned off the water, not feeling refreshed like I usually did. I put on my robe and ran my arm under the cold sink water, letting tears fall down my face.

        "Genna is everything oka- holy shit what happened?" Parker had walked in and saw blood on my arm. I quickly covered it up with my sleeve.

        "Cut myself shaving. I do it everytime." I said. But he didn't believe me.

        "Gen, even I know that you don't shave your arms like that." He said. I tried to make up another lie.

        "The razor was slippery. I was....getting my arm pits and it slipped and I tried to catch it and I got it in between my arms and it sliced me." I babbled, forgetting all about my embarassment. I couldn't let Parker know.

He stared at me for what seemed like a very long two minutes before walking over and running a hand through my hair. Thankfully he didn't notice both arms were bloody and not just one.

        "I really worry about you Gen....something's not right." He said softly. God, how much I wanted to tell him everything. But I couldn't. He'd never forgive me. I don't even forgive me.

        "Well...my hips are starting to fill in." I said, trying for a lame excuse. But he didn't believe my fake optimism either. I was too empty inside. Now even Parker could see just how empty I was.

Even though I was bloody on both arms, dripping wet, and a shell of a person, and huddled in a thick towel robe that I had to wrap around twice to get it to stay shut, he dropped the t-shirt he was holding and pulled me close, hugging me.

I was confused, so so confused. I thought I had scared him away by kissing him and confusing him more the other day. He pulled back and kissed my forehead, then my nose, and hesitated before pecking me on the lips.

        "I'll make everything right again, you'll see." He said quietly, his intense blue eyes never leaving mine. I was too shocked to speak, but he didn't notice. He handed me my brush before walking back into his bathroom.

I've never felt more frustrated, yet...I didn't have the urge to cut again. Maybe because my arms were already stinging.