Just Friends. (A falling in love with my best friend story)

Chapter 28: Unexpected Visit

   Genna's POV:

It's been two weeks since I moved out, and I wasn't doing well. Even though the fifty in the pocket of Parker's jacket helped; I seemed to be struggling. I had to sell my laptop, since I couldn't find a fucking decent job because they wouldn't take a teenager with dyed hair, two tattoos, a nose piercing, and scars running up and down both arms. In fact, my last boss had mentioned the words "traveling circus for the suicidal." it was all I could do not to slap him and storm out.

I was doing well with school online, in fact, I could probably graduate earlier than Parker.

        I've stopped keeping in touch with him. He only made me want to go back home, and just seeing him made my heart ache at the fact that I once had a good life. I'd ruined that chance of ever having a good life again once I held the blade up to my wrist for the first time.

Very few people are tricked into believing that self-harming brings relief and solves problems, and won't hurt anyone else besides yourself. ERRRHHRH WRONG.

I had just lost any sort of special connection whatsoever with my dad, with Parker and with Parker's parents all because of me.

If I'd had the chance, I would go back in time and stop myself from taking the blade. I would do anything to give up whatever relief it caused and trade it for pain; if it meant not ending up like this.

Carter and Chelsea found out too. How, I'm not sure, but my suspicions tell me Parker told them, because since then, I've recieved millions of text from them asking if I was okay and still alive and how on earth I could self harm. Well, mostly Chelsea. Carter didn't text me at all.

I barely even knew Carter. All I did was just hang out with him once when Chelsea was sick. And since then, even though we shared more smiles and hugs in passing, we weren't close and we barely spoke.

So you can imagine my surprise when my doorbell rings and I find him standing on my doorstep.

        "Wow, you look different." He said. I nodded, looking down.

My stomach went from barely there, to actually filling in, back to being barely there. I ran out of pretty much all my makeup from continuous daily use, including my coverup. I also got my hair back to it's original color, so now I look almost exactly like my mom. Needless to say, one look in the mirror is all it takes to send me to tears.

        "Yeah. What are you doing here?" I ask, stepping aside and letting him come in.

        "I came to check up on you. I find out from Parker a few weeks ago saying you ran away, you don't respond to Chelsea's texts and we find out you change your number, and according to Parker-who you totally shouldn't blame for this because he thought we knew- you self harm." He said, looking kind of scared.

I frown and throw him a can of soda, and hop onto one of the kitchen counters.

        "Why does everyone care so much? Why does everyone go to such great lengths to keep me safe? They should worry about themselves and the shit I cause with them." I say bitterly, opening a can for myself. Warm soda is disgusting, but when you haven't had coffee for a long time because your own coffee machine breaks; you get desperate for caffeine.

        "Genna, you do have an effect on people. When I first met you, the look on your face and the way you carried yourself practically suggested that you were a good, strong friend who was able to take care of herself. You have this charm about you." He said, his voice softening.

I ruined the mood by scoffing.

I was not in a good mood today, because I got turned down by a job and I'm not doing well on my school work and since I'm running low on first aid supplies, I've been trying to ignore my relapse urges and triggerings. Not to mention the nightmares.

        "Look. I'm going to give you the same chance I gave Parker. Now, before you turn it down, just think about the fact that I've pretty much took him down with me, along with his family because he stayed. I'm giving you the chance to walk away and forget about me while you can. Get yourself out before you get dragged down further." I said.

He gave me such a pitying and sad look.

        "Do you really think of yourself as that low and that small? Do you really hate yourself that much?" He asks me. I shrug.

        "Most people don't want to hear why." I say. He smiles.

        "I do." He actually does seem generally interested. Then I remember that this is the guy who can easily spill his life story out to me and listen to me spill mine.

        "I feel like a mistake. I feel like I'm not supposed to be this way. I hate myself every day for the fact that once my mother died, I started slowly dying along with her. And I drug my dad down with me in such a state of depression because not only did his wife die, but his daughter almost did too. And when I think about all the shit I've caused people, I start to hate myself again because I feel so self-centered because it seems like things start to revolve around me. If that's not irony than I don't know what is." I say bitterly.

Carter shakes his head and starts laughing. I don't know what it is about me today that's got me in such a terrible depression, because I feel a few angry tears slip down.

        "Fine. Laugh at me. I know i'm a sorry sight." I say. He shakes his head, starting to stop laughing.

        "No, no. It's not that. Genevieve, when was the last time you actually went out and did something and actually had fun? When was the last time you actually laughed so hard you cried or even smiled?" He asked.

I shrugged.

Boy was that a hard question. I do remember feeling some light-hearted elation while dating Parker and finding out he liked me back, or getting a tattoo always put a smile on my face, but other than that, nothing.

        "I don't know." I simply answered. He waved his hand at me.

        "That's your problem! You dragged yourself so low you forgot the brighter side of life! You forgot the cake and only got the crappy icing that everyone scrapes off with a knife. Get your shoes on." He said.

        "Why?" I asked.

        "Because we're going out." He said. I felt a blush rise in my cheeks.

        "I don't date." I said. He smirks.

        "Well that's a pity. No, I meant we're going outside." He looks around before he finds my shoes by the door and hands them to me, and waits impatiently while I get them on.

        "Where are we going besides just outside?" I asked.

        "Just out. Around town." He said, a sly smile on his face.